Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A life lost

Yesterday, a former sponsee killed herself.
She was maybe 22 years old.
We worked through the Big Book of AA together.
She graduated from her halfway house with pride.
She got her apartment.
She held down a job.
She was sober.
And then she got drunk.
And disappeared.
And now, one year later, she's dead.
She hung herself in detox.
Clearly she was still struggling with her disease.

Why couldn't she get it?
Why did she go back out there again and again?
Why did she struggle so much?
Why her and not me?

I'm so grateful to be sober today.
So grateful.

Rest in peace, Maria.
Rest in peace.

6 comments:

NOS said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I've had a friend whom I met in an eating disorder treatment center who overdosed the week after she was discharged, so I can relate.

I also wonder the things you wonder. Why wasn't it me?

I'm sure Maria is in peace now and knows how much you care.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Divas said...

That is so sad. I can only imagine the torment she was in to drive her to take her own life. I'm so glad you didn't go down that same road.

XOXO

Maggie Beth said...

Oh, Etta! I am so sorry. So deeply sorry.

I admit,I have no words.

I will say many prayers of comfort and peace for you in the days ahead.

And, Sweet Maria, I pray you found the peace that alluded you here....Be at peace...

Katie said...

So sorry to hear about yor friend. As a person that has tried to end my own life I can understand what she might have been struggling with.Here is some of the insight I can share with you in regards to your questions.
It maybe not be a matter of why she did not get it, maybe instead there was something else that was getting her. Often people who end their own lives have undiagnosised mental health challenges,this maybe why she when back again and again. She may not have understood that this was only the begining of her journey. It also maybe why she struggled so much, she many have thought that being clean and sober would get rid of her disease, only to be dicouraged to find that she was still in emotional pain with out understanding why.As for your question of why her and not you it is a testiment to your own courage and strength that you have found in yourself while on your own journey.My heart goes out to you, her friend and loved ones.

hesi study guide said...

Hi,
Feeling sorry for your friend really.
R.I.P Maria.Its hard when u lose your loved ones.Really touching read.Inspiring me a lot.
Thank You,

Hesi exam said...

It maybe not be a matter of why she did not get it, maybe instead there was something else that was getting her. Often people who end their own lives have undiagnosised mental health challenges,this maybe why she when back again and again.



.