Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

All things considered...

Considering I ran 20 miles in the cold and wind on Thursday, the 10K I raced this morning went pretty darn well. Of course I wanted to run faster, but I managed a 47:55 (7:45/mile) and felt good while doing it. It was nothing like last week's race. This one was tough, especially the steep hills at the end, but I never felt out of my league. I ran hard but within myself. I went as fast as my body and tired legs would allow, but I wasn't in agony like I was one week ago. That was nice. I felt good about how I felt even if I wasn't thrilled with my time.

On an entirely different note, I've got a Halloween Party tonight. It's a sober affair put on by two women for whom Halloween is like Christmas! They love it! I don't have a costume because I've been too lazy to go out and find one. I don't have anyone to go with, which is typical for this single sole. And the World Series is going to be on tonight. These are all good excuses for me not to go to this party. I can stay home in my sweats and be my usual isolative self instead. But should I? Probably not.

I'm confessing my solitary thoughts here because I know I should get out of my house and socialize. If I'm honest with myself, I've been a bit isolative--okay, more than a bit--lately. It's easy when I'm training hard, racing, and working to just stay home at all other times. And that's what I've been doing. My parents have gone south for the winter. My best friends have been busy with their families. It's easy and comfortable to put on my sweats and never take them off. I can't remember the last time I've done anything social.

So I should go to this party, right? Isolation is often a sign of things going down hill for me. I don't think that's what's happening here, but I do worry just a little. So I should go to this party, right? Well, I'm still undecided, but I'll let you know. What about you? What are you doing tonight?

1 comment:

andreastuart said...

Wow! I stumbled onto your blog by accident. I really identify with your tendency to isolate yourself and how this is a harbinger of a decline in mental health. I am very inspired by your apparent commitment to physical exercise! Keep up the good work and thank you for writing your blog!