Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Temporary Resolution

Well, my local office of American HomePatient came through for me. It's a little complicated, but the end result is that I no longer have an outstanding $600.00 bill from them, and I get to keep my C-PAP machine. I have to thank Carol at my local office for her compassion and hard work.

To say I'm relieved is an understatement. Yet it is a cautious relief, as I have reason not to totally trust this fix. As long as I am doing business with AHP, I think I will be wary. I don't like that. But I think I should stick with my local office after they worked so hard on my behalf.

This whole situation was quite a test of my sanity. I can't stand these out-of-my-control situations. So this was good; albeit painful, anxiety-laden, sanity-busting, practice for me. One of the lessons of living, which I learned in AA, is taking action. After clearing my head here, I used my last post to craft an intelligent, succinct letter to AHP, which I delivered to my local office Monday morning. That gave me a sense of control I didn't have previous to taking the action.

Another life lesson (via AA) is accepting things I cannot change. It took me several days, and taking the action of writing certainly helped, but I was coming to some acceptance. I had gotten to the point where I had done what I could do. I knew things might not come out as I wished, but I also knew there was nothing more on which I should waste my energy. The only sanity-saving thing to do was accept the bill and work out a payment plan. I wouldn't have liked that, but acceptance does not require agreement. Strangely, acceptance, even without agreement, also gave me back some control.

The last life lesson on which I relied was treating others as I would like to be treated myself. So even though I was mad as hell and felt totally justified in my rage, I made sure I kept my tone even and my language clean in each of my dealings with AHP personnel. I had to remember that my local office was doing the best they could with the situation--again, whether I liked what they were doing or not, or whether it was on my time schedule or not! That wasn't always easy, but I did my best. In the end, I felt my behavior was appropriate, and I can hold my head high.

I'm really hoping I don't have to deal with this again. I'm really praying God doesn't have any more "practice" for me in the near future. This was incredibly stressful. I'd like to put it behind me for good.

1 comment:

A. Paige Turner said...

I have the feeling God is thinking, "Well done Etta! Well Done!" DID do well! You should be proud - VERY proud!