Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

FIVE Years.

It's hard to believe. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I realized I couldn't stop. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I couldn't continue living with it. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I couldn't imagine living without it. Today is the day. Five years ago today, all other options had been explored. Today is the day. Five years ago today, all other options had failed. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I finally had enough. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I finally gave up. Today is the day. Five years ago today, I quit drinking. Today... I've been sober five years. Today.

It's hard to believe. When I quit, I didn't think I could do it. In fact, I was hanging on so tightly, so desperately, I have no memory of sobriety days one through three. On December 31st, 2005, I guess I woke up. I remember that day vividly. I couldn't believe I hadn't drank in three, whole days! It was my first taste of relief.

It's hard to believe the relief has continued this long. It hasn't been particularly easy. It hasn't been particularly difficult. It's been what it's been. And that's a gift of my program of recovery. I've learned to live one moment at a time and one day at a time. I've learned to accept life's ups and downs without dwelling on either one. Mood stability has gone hand in hand with my sobriety. It's another gift of working a recovery program in all of my affairs. The relief has expanded to many areas of my life.

Since recovery, I've been more successful in all aspects of my life. They say stick around until the miracle happens. I'm beginning to see the miracles in my life. I now have successful relationships, successful employment, and successful health and well-being. Sobriety has cleared the way for these successes--each a miracle when compared against my life five years ago today.

Life began anew when I set down that last drink. Working my recovery program has changed my life. Once suicide was the only option I could see, but today I lead a life worth living, and that in and of itself is the biggest miracle of all. I am so grateful to be sober today.


Adam said...

Congrats! What a great anniversary to be celebrating.

A. Paige Turner said...

HAPPY HAPPY 5 YR SOBER!!! I am SO glad you 'stayed'!!! The world would be so much darker without you!!

And, yes, all that has happened is a miracle! A God-ordained miracle - but so are YOU!

NEVER forget that! You are a God-ordained miracle - written on the palm of His hand. (And just so you know! That is not just flowery, Southern talk - that is in the Bible! SMILE!)

I am sorry the English-language only contains the word, "CONGRATULATIONS" that just doesn't seem to cover it - but it is all I got!