Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

re-birth-day reprise


Twenty six years ago

It was the end,
and I was so, so relieved.

I can still feel


Twenty six years ago

I didn't end,
and yet, I was relieved.

I can still feel


...if you consider suicide and option
I get it.
please, call someone.


Anonymous said...

Your post couldn't have come at a better time.

Called doc for an appointment.

Holding on.

Doc appt on Wed.

Wish the pain would stop.
But I think that I am the pain. I think it is part of me/my entity/my soul nowdays.
I can't not 'be' me, so ending me seems the only option?

Will hopefully be more rational in two days time. And at least walking my usual run circuit.


I just wish I had an '8 ball of life' and I would shake it and it would tell me everything is going to be okay.

etta said...

Keep holding on, Anonymous. Nothing lasts forever. Things will improve. I understand that it may feel like you will be buried forever, but this too shall pass. My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

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Divas said...

Congratulations on your re-Birthday! You are right. Nothing lasts forever. Holding on until the storms pass is hard, but what a beautiful rainbow waits for us when we stick it out!

A. Paige Turner said...

Wow....What if you had stopped blogging a few weeks back?

Had I been successful I would have been gone 17 years now. Thinking in those terms is very sobering...

And if you had been successful Etta look at all the anonymous people who may have given up....

I'm glad you withstood Etta....

I needed you.....

((HUGS)) Maggie Beth

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog as well! It finally just occured to me to google "depression blogs" and here I am. I've linked your blog to mine in the hopes that you can be helpful to more as well.

Anonymous--Hang in There! I was there not so long ago. If someone would have said to me two years ago there would be a time when I would feel as good as I do now (not perfect, still struggling, but feel like I am living) I wouldn't have believed them. But I do.

Anonymous said...

Thank You