Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Tired all of a sudden

Sometimes this fatigue-thing really sneaks up on me. On Tuesday, for example, I began what I thought would be a fairly easy (3 x 1 mile) workout on the treadmill. The warm up foretold nothing. It went fine. But I was only 1/4 mile into the first mile repeat when the grim reality hit hard. This was going to suck!

At 1/4 mile, I could barely catch my breath. Being the stubborn woman that I am, I refused to give up or slow down. Somehow, I sucked in enough oxygen to finish that first repeat. What the hell was going on? I convinced myself it was an aberration, and the second and third repeats would be much easier. Not so fast! Half way through the second repeat, I had to slow the pace. And despite extending my rest interval and slowing the pace of the third mile, I had to quit 3/4 of the way through. I was frustrated and worried.

What was going on? There were only 12 days until the marathon. Was this depression sneaking up on me? That was, of course, my first worry.  But I didn't think that was it. I decided to relax about the whole thing. After all, some workouts are just like that. They suck for no particular reason. I chalked it up to "no particular reason."

I took yesterday off, but the fatigue did not go away. Now I am worried. I have a tough 8 mile tempo run scheduled today. Is it going to suck, too? And if it does, what will that mean? I only have 10 days to The Austin Marathon. This is not how I wanted to feel just 10 days out. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm trying to trust it will pass.

And therein lies the lesson, I guess. Faith. Do I have faith that "this too shall pass?" And if it doesn't pass, can I trust that things will work out as they should? Will I accept the final result, even if it is not the result I hoped to achieve? Maybe this is just a reminder to accept life as it is right now--to stay in the moment and not waste energy on what happened in the past nor what might happen in the future. I have trouble with that. Maybe this is my test. We'll see. I'm off to run.

1 comment:

Kitty said...

Maybe you just have muscle fatigue from working out so hard? Sometimes that can happen...



.