Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What will I say?

I've been awake nights worrying about saying the perfect thing. I invited all of my professional treatment team to my Cake Night tonight (see previous post), and almost all of them are going to be there. Now I'm worried about what to say. I want them to know how important they were, and still are, in my recovery. I feel so strongly--my gratitude is so great--I don't want to leave any words on the table. But I'm realizing there's no way to say exactly what I feel. I'll never be able to say enough. Webster doesn't contain words powerful enough to convey my feelings.

So there's about an hour to go before Cake Night, and I've now got three pages of various versions of things to say. Yet I think I may throw it all away once I hit the podium. None of it is good enough. I'll let you know what happens.

I had a busy day today. I began the day with a 7:30 AM breakfast with a bunch of runners at my friend Renee's house. Renee is a famous cook-extraordinaire, so of course everything was delicious! I attended my 9:00 AM AA meeting where I got to see my sponsee get her 6 month sobriety chip. That was cool. Then Renee joined me on my last long run, 15 miles, before The Austin Marathon. It was a warm day and a good run. After that I rushed to a nearby town to get my haircut. I didn't want to look shaggy for tonight's big event. After Cake Night tonight, we plan to go out for pie. I love pie! And that will be a great finish to a busy day. It started with food with one crowd, and it's going to end with food with another crowd.

I feel incredibly blessed. I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. Today I'm grateful for all of the people in my life. Hmmm...maybe that's all that needs to be said.


Maggie Beth said...

I love that I found your post even as you are celebrating your cake night!! - I know you are surrounded by love and having fun!! I also know you found the perfect way to say what you needed to say.

Your post fits in with one of my New Years Resolutions - I've resolved to "Say what I need to say" - with an open heart and in love. Say it not because I need a reaction or response - but say it because I need the release - and the knowledge that no matter what happens I will never fell the "If on I had said...." feeling.

I raise my fork to you Etta! Congratulations!! - and safe travels as you continue on your journey. ~ ((HUGS)) Maggie Beth

Divas said...

I'm sure you did great! Don't even worry about words. It's what's in the heart that will be seen. =)

Pie is good, too!

Jen Daisybee said...

Congratulations on Cake Night! I went to my mom's this year, and last year, and it was a very moving experience. It's so neat that all of your treatment team professionals are going to be there to celebrate with you!