Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sometimes life isn't fair

If you are a regular reader, you're probably a little surprised. I typically don't lead off with a downer like "sometimes life isn't fair," but I had to go with it today. Actually, I planned to go with it yesterday, but I couldn't muster the energy to revisit the situation. And without further ado, here is the situation. Yesterday, I basically lost my job.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from my boss. She informed me that all patients from this moment forward would be assigned to my co-worker, the full-time physical therapist. I didn't do anything wrong. My boss says she doesn't want to lose me. She'd like me to stay with the company, but until we get our patient census up, the full-timer will be getting all of the patients. For me, no patients means no hours which means no money. So I didn't get fired or laid off, but I won't be getting any patients to work with until my full-time co-worker raises her productivity to that which is expected of a full-time employee.

We are still a new agency in this area, and we've been working hard to get our name out there. But we've been struggling to get enough patients to keep us all busy. A full-time employee is expected to have 25 visits per week. Last week she had 11, and I had 6 visits. Since the full-timer also gets benefits, the company doesn't want to pay her, and provide her benefits, for working less than full-time. They'd rather not pay me at all.

Apparently it doesn't matter that I've got more seniority than the full-time therapist. It doesn't matter that I've never called in sick or missed a scheduled visit. It doesn't matter that I've been searching out and bringing in many new referrals. It doesn't matter that I was hired early in the company's local history and was the only P.T. on staff for several months. In a just, perfect world it all would matter, but sometimes life is not fair.

The phone call with my boss ended with me in tears. She felt bad, but had no other choice. The business people who made the decision, she said, looked only at the numbers. I love my job. I like my company. I love my co-workers, and I like and respect my boss. I don't want to work someplace else. But I now have no other choice. Sometimes life is not fair.

I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm scared. I know I will get through this, but in the meantime it sucks. It just sucks. I've already been living paycheck to paycheck, so I can't afford to waste any time. As soon as I finish this post, I'll be updating my resume and moving forward. I don't want to do it, but I will. There is no other way to go.

One foot in front of the other.
One foot in front of the other.


The Depressed Reader said...

Hi Etta,
I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you. Capitalism really sucks at times. Quite a lot of the time actually. People get laid off, lose benefits (or never get them to begin with). The numbers dictate what happens to people, and if hurting people saves money, hey, who can argue with that? I've seen plenty of consequences of this kind of thinking, and they aren't pretty.

I hope that you can find something soon to get some money coming in. I know the economy is rough all over, especially in the US, but I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. Could you do the same job as an independent?
Hang on!

Maggie Beth said...

Etta ~ I am so sorry. I know this hurts, I know it sucks, I know you think it is horribly nightmarish - and it is.

But save your post -- you will want to refer back to it when all is clear and the blessings of God are obvious. God will provide for A L L of your needs - He was not shocked by the call you got yesterday - and He already knows how you will react when you get yours socks blessed off! ~ Watching with prayers and patience! (((HUGS!!!)) Maggie!

scepticrat said...


I'm sorry to hear of this blow. It reminds me how important the "people, places, things" principle is: you can't control them, but you can control your reaction to them. I know you'll take this "in stride" and find the blessing it harbors!


Cadan Henry said...

I am sorry to hear this. I have only recently been reading your blog, but really find it helpful. You are in my prayers.