Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

going home

I'm leaving the hospital today. Hmmm...I bet you're wondering how I feel about that. Well, it's time. I could have stayed an extra day, but I think I'm ready to get home and get ready for Boston. I'm worried, of course, about what my mood and my thinking will become once I'm alone in my living room. But Bill and Cindy, friends extraordinaire, are at the ready with fresh sheets and fluffy pillows if things don't go well. I am so grateful for that.

I"m grateful to be feeling a little better, too. My mood has improved over the past two days. It's still not great, but it's improved. I'll take that. I feel a bit more confident going to Boston with a better mood. I've got a lot to do over the next day and a half to get ready. I think the preparation for Boston and the marathon will keep my brain in check over the weekend. I'm a little bit worried, however, about what will happen once I'm back.

What will happen once I'm back? Will the glow of Boston keep me elevated for awhile? Will post-marathon let down cause me to crash? Will the change in medication kick in and get me back on the right path? I don't know. Nobody knows. And I can't worry about that. Especially at this point, I need to take things one day, perhaps even one moment, at a time. What will be will be. Worrying will not change it. I'm trying to remember that.

So wish me luck as I bound out the hospital doors, board my plane, and run Boston's famous 26.2 mile course. I may not have access to a computer out there, so don't be alarmed if I miss a few days with all of you. Once again, thank you all for your wisdom and support over these past few weeks. How lucky am I to be connected to all of you? Very lucky. Very lucky, indeed.


Another Diamond Day said...

Good luck! x

Kelly said...

Run like the wind (a steady, well-paced wind, of course) and live in that moment, Etta. You deserve that.

Take care.

Michele said...

I wish you the very best....with both your mood and the marathon. I wish I could watch it on tv.

Maggie Beth said...

Etta, I do wish you luck for the marathon....not the Boston marathon - the daily one. I wish you luck, courage, peace, joy and laughter. Don't look behind you Etta ~ it will only slow you down.....the finishline is in front of you....

You are brave ~ you are strong and you are sane. Never let anyone ~ (even yourself Etta) tell you differently. HUGE HUGS my friend.
~ Maggie Beth

Kinza said...

Good luck! Enjoy Boston. Big big HUG.