Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Inpatient Re-do

When I saw my psychiatrist for my regularly scheduled appointment yesterday, she (with my collaboration, of course) decided it was time to go back to the hospital. I was absolutely not functioning well at home. I reluctantly agreed to go, knowing it was the safest, wisest decision. And here I am. Inpatient, round two.

I knew when I left prior to the marathon that this may be a possibility. I knew we were all in a "hurry up and get better" mode so I could cross Boston off my bucket list. And I'm so glad I was able to go, to run, to have that experience. It was the right decision at the time.

Now this is the right decision. I need to pursue further interventions to break this cycle of depression. I've not felt well for over 8 weeks now. I've been very lucky. I haven't had an episode like this since the spring of 2005. That's six years of relative stability. I've had tough spots, rough spots, and short spins into the hole, but nothing like this. And I can't continue to be non-functional. It's time to do something more.

Something more will likely be ECT. For those of you unfamiliar, I'm just going to tell you to look it up. Look on the Mayo Clinic website for information. I don't have the energy to explain it nor defend it right now. I know many of you are probably horrified by the thought; images of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in your head. It is, fortunately, nothing like that anymore. And the last time I had ECT, in the spring of 2005, it obviously worked. There are risks to my memory, which is why I will spend the rest of today journaling about the Boston experience and writing down every password I have. But at this point, the risk is worth the reward--my health.

So that's where I'm at. Inpatient. I'm staring ECT in the face, and ready to do whatever it takes to get to the other side of this depression episode. As usual, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and I'm grateful for your support.

14 comments:

Kinza said...

Thinking and praying for you, Etta.

Kitty said...

You're so brave! I used to actually hope I could someday get ECT, because the recovery rate seems so good for so many people, but it hasn't been in the cards I guess.

I wsih you all the luck I have to give, but it seems like with your excellent treatment team everything is going to turn out well and you won't need my luck!

Katie said...

Good Luck Etta, i wish you the best. You can beat this! I don't really know anything about ECT but i hope it helps you. I'll keep praying for you. Katie.

Kelly said...

Only big, random stranger hugs to you. I'm glad you were able to run your marathon and now you are able to get back to taking care of yourself.

Adam Glenn said...

Good luck with getting better and the ECT. That is one procedure that scares me, but it sounds like it has worked for you...

Saracide said...

You're in my thoughts! Good luck with everything, I can't wait to hear about how it goes :)

Maggie Beth said...

Etta, I discovered something year's ago and I cling to it ~ God is not shocked. (No pun intended ~ SMILE) God was with you before ~ He is with you during this ~ and He will be with you afterwards. He is with you Etta. Cling to that if nothing else....the world will change ~ we will change ~ but God is the same from everlasting to everlasting....in constant prayer for you Etta....this season will pass......((HUGE HUGS)) Maggie

Ann Hale said...

Etta,

I know ECT seems scary, but I've heard that it really does help. Personally, I'd be more worried about the impact on memories. I've heard that you can lose a lot of memory from the 6 months to a year before the treatment, most of the time during the treatment and have problems forming memories for the next 6 months to a year.

I totally think it's worth it, though. I would do it if it came to that, although I'd probably write myself a book before I did it so I would remember what led up to it!

Lots of hugs!!

Anonymous said...

Good luck to you Etta. I hope that the ECT helps. ECT was and is an option for me also. I wish it was something that i could do. I hope that it does help you. I pray for you. The very little time that i got to know you and read some of your blog you seem like the type of person that deserves the best. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Chances are you won't remember me after all this. No need to post this comment. I hope this helps lift the depression and hopeless feelings so you can get back to the life you deserve to live. I am glad i got to meet you and know you, though it was very short. Good luck to you. :) alex

etta said...

alex--don't be silly, of course I remember you, and I'm honored you're finding my blog somewhat helpful. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Thank you all for your supportive thoughts and prayers. My first treatment went well, and I haven't forgotten my name...yet! ;)

Maggie Beth said...

Nor have you forgotten your sense of humor ~

Congratulations on your first treatment Etta.

You hang firm I can not imagine the amount of conflicting information that is flying at you right now....just stand still and follow your instincts and your heart....

Prayers for continued healing and praise for the people who are smart enough to invent ways to allow us a better life.......

Brent Haws said...

I hear every word, I am in about the same situation. This ugly D shadow that hanhs over you, taking away your life... wush you the best....

Jamie said...

Take care. I hope this helps. My thoughts are with you.
Jamie

Just another girl said...

I am glad you got to cross Boston off your list. I hope you get better soon and that the ETC helps.



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