Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Another couple days

I was supposed to leave last Friday, but I wasn't ready. On Saturday I felt ready to go, but the doctor disagreed. So I didn't leave. I planned on leaving Monday after ECT #5, but my treatment team decided it felt too rushed. My mood was still too low. They encouraged me to stay until at least ECT #6. I reluctantly agreed, and here I am. I will leave tomorrow. I will leave tomorrow at 3:00 PM to be exact! And I do think I will be ready to go.

It will be day 14 of this hospitalization by the time I walk out the door. I will have spent three of the last four weeks in an inpatient psychiatric unit. It wasn't my plan. I think back to early February, to my sobriety anniversary party, and to how great I was feeling then; to how great I had been feeling for months! It was only a few short weeks later when this depression episode, this relapse, began. Ironic. And amazing. It just goes to show how rapidly this illness can drag a person down.

I do feel better today. The mood dive that began last Thursday seems to have lifted a bit. I felt lighter after my treatment yesterday, and despite not sleeping well last night, I still feel lighter today. I am freaked out by how much fitness I am losing lying around in here, but even that makes me think I'm getting better. I didn't care enough to be freaked out about it last week. I am going to try to run on the treadmill today, but I can't wait to get back outside!

Tomorrow. I will be back outside tomorrow. And the next time you hear from me, I will be free; free of the confines of this healing place, and hopefully free of more of the darkness of the past 9 weeks.


-Chris said...

Remember Etta, life is not a snapshot - these past weeks are only a blip in the story of who, and HOW God made you. Your story continues, and so does your opportunity to touch the lives of others....

Anonymous said...

Good for you. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. Keep it up!

Maggie Beth said...

((Etta you may post or not ~ either way))

ETTA! I live in Alabama and have been without net service since the tornados last Wednesday. I just got it back and you were the first one I checked on!! I have attempted to leave comments on your posts as I could via cell.

I say that to say - I want to be sure you know that through tornadoes and storms of (literal!) Biblical proportion I still remembered to include a pray for you..... You may be a "blog buddy" but I hold you dear. The storms that leveled families and businesses in my state are no less powerful than the emotional storm you endured.....I pray peace, calmness of spirit and direction as you exit your "safe place" tomorrow. I know I tell you often -- but it can't be said enough....regardless of where you are ~ in the darkness of sorrow or in bright lights of joy God is with you Etta.....Hold onto Him Etta and He will Hold You Back (SMILE).....but in a good way! LOL!

Shaken and stirred - but still standing on The Rock after the storms!


Anonymous said...

good luck to you. don't rush anything. it's okay to take time. whatever time is needed for things to start feeling right.
it's okay to be hard on yourself.
and it's okay to be nice to yourself too.
it's okay to ask why.
and it's okay to not have an answer.
be nice to yourself. :)

Adam Glenn said...

It must feel great to have a time you are going to leave. Hopefully you won't have to return any time soon but you will stay healthy.

Maggie Beth said...

Hope your day went peacefully well Etta.......Here is my latest link. I figure if nothing else hopefully my 'drama' allows your mind a reprive for a moment....(WINK)

Gail said...

I quote Etta "I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness."

Wow, you are successful once again! Your openness and sharing of your experiences are both 'reducing stigma and improving the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness."
It is working for me!!!!