Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

of healing and grieving

I've got a lot going on today. For starters, I saw my doctor this morning. She's keeping me out of work through at least next week. I feel relieved about that. I just don't feel ready to face the chaos my office is currently dealing with. We struggled to get referrals for so long but now have the opposite problem--too many patients, not enough clinicians. It means I'll be loaded with patients as soon as I go back, and I don't feel ready for that stress yet. My doctor agreed it wasn't worth sacrificing my health for the benefit of my employer.

She also agreed that I've done my last ECT treatment. I continue to feel better. The only thing I currently struggle with is unending fatigue. I can't get through the day without sleeping. I dislike that overwhelmingly tired feeling, but I'll take it over the debilitating mood any day of the week. At least fatigue can be ameliorated by sleep. As I've documented over the past few months, my low mood does not respond to such simple intervention.

Fortunately, my mood hasn't taken a big hit by the unexpected (and unexplained) death of fellow runner, Paul. Hardly a moment has passed that he and his family have not been on my mind since his death after the marathon last Saturday. His visitation is tonight. The running group he belonged to is organizing a group run after the prayer service. I was going to run my tempo run today, but now I think I'll wait until tonight and join the crowd. It will feel good to run with friends after such a somber event. His funeral will be tomorrow. It is still so unbelievable to have lost someone so young, so healthy, and so vibrant as Paul. He will truly be missed by many, many people.


Michele said...

I am glad you are taking some more work-free time. When my doc gets back on the 31st I am going to insist on ECT treatments. I am encouraged by your results. I hope you continue to feel better and better.

Maggie Beth said...

Hope you are dealing well.....


Jamie said...

I'm glad to hear you're getting better. It gives me hope that things will start looking better for me.

I've also experienced an unexpected death of a friend recently that really sent me reeling.