Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Better times

Yesterday was my second official day of work, and it went better than day number one. I treated more patients, which is always easier. Patients don't change much from job to job. It's the paperwork that's always tough to digest. I did have more paperwork yesterday, too, but it seemed to go slightly better than Wednesday. I'm still worried about stuffing all the information into my resistant brain, but I'll just have to keep cramming.

The bigger issue yesterday was my confidence, or I should say my lack of confidence. And I think that is directly related to my depression relapse. I don't feel confident that I'll learn everything. I don't feel confident that I can handle the stress of working. I don't feel confident in my PT skills. I worry I won't know how to treat my patients. I worry working will knock me flat. I worry I'll never understand all the policies and procedures. I didn't feel this lack of confidence prior to the most recent relapse. It makes for a stressful day, and I can only hope that it gets better with time. I think it will.

One area where my confidence isn't lacking, however, is my running. I returned to the road on Thursday, and I felt great! I ran a 6 mile, fast, tempo run Thursday afternoon. I was thrilled to feel so good after running a marathon just a few days before. Today, I got up early and ran a 13 mile long run. Again, I felt pretty good. My legs got tired near the end, but not bad after running a marathon only 7 days ago! I think I'm still basking in the glow of Grandma's. I think I'll hang onto that glow as long as it continues to drive me forward.

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.--Khalil Gibran


Maggie Beth said...

Etta ~ just keep are doing well....hang in there


Dr Vin Family Doctor said...

Hi Etta,

My name is Dr Vin from Australia. Iam a Family Doctor with a special interest in counselling ie CBT/mindfulness and ACT. My passion is to help both adults and particularly children in order to break the cycle of depression and anxiety. As a courtesy, I would like to let you know that I will be visiting your blog from time to time and leave comments as appropriate.

By sharing information on the topic, I hope it will help everyone. I would like to invite you to visit my blog and leave advice for my readers in order to help them as well.

Dr Vin
Family Doctor

The Blue Morpho said...

It's great that the running keeps working for you. I did a six mile *walk* on Saturday and am still so stiff I can barely stand :)

As for your new job, I have no doubt you have what it takes. Perfectionism always makes us think we have to do it all just so, and right now. It has taken me a whole year to get the hang of every new job I've ever had. I felt like I was stumbling through jobs where later my boss said, when I left, that he'd hire me back in a second. So don't judge it now! Focus on helping those people, and know that you'll mess up paperwork for a while. Everybody does, even if they pretend otherwise.

Barbara said...

Hi Etta, You know me well. I'm a member of NAMI-SEMN. I have been following your blog for sometime; you gave me your card! I think it is tremendous that you have taken on a job again so soon after your relapse. You're a real trooper, but then I've always known that. You are the one who beat me in the Art Show by Persons with MI. Who am I??
I have started my own blog, though haven't gotten too far yet. the name of it is THAT I MAY LIVE. Look me up. Keep troopin!!!