Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, August 29, 2011

The conversation

As planned, I had the big depression conversation with D this past weekend. In fact, I got it out of the way within a few hours of arriving. We were sitting together on the couch when I came out with it. And you know what? It didn't seem to be a big deal. He seemed to take it in stride.

The talk itself was relatively short. Mostly I talked, and he listened. I was expecting a lot of questions, but he only asked one which I remember. He wanted to know if I took medication. That's all. I wish he had asked a few more questions, actually. Answering questions would have allowed me to expand on the information I gave him. Instead he got just the basic outline of my story, nothing more.

I told him I've had depression since November, 2000. I told him I took medication. I told him I had been hospitalized for it. I told him fatigue was a lingering symptom and the primary reason I no longer worked full time. I explained that I'd been relatively stable for quite awhile, and I even told him about this blog.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to tell him many details. I didn't tell him about the number of hospitalizations. I didn't tell him about the suicide attempts. I didn't explain other treatments I've had, like ECT. I didn't tell him about disability. And I didn't explain what depression had taken from my life. I felt like I left a lot out.

Perhaps what I told him was enough information for him for now. Perhaps that's why he didn't quiz me. He sat quietly, asked his one question, and that was about it. I had to be okay with that. He's a contemplative guy, and perhaps that's what he needed to do--contemplate.

Depression came up in normal conversation a few more times throughout the weekend, but that was it. I wanted to say more, but I decided to let it go. I figure it's out there now. Perhaps he will have more questions for me in the future. If not, I guess more of the story will slowly come out.

The good news is he didn't treat me any differently the rest of the weekend. Everything continued forward without a glitch. In fact, everything went great! Our relationship seems to be growing stronger with every moment spent together. It's nice. I'm happy. And I'm so relieved the depression conversation is now behind me.


Kindred Spirit said...

Good for you!

Anonymous said...

I discovered your blog not long ago, and have been inspired by your entries- both as a runner, and as a person who has struggled with and still suffers from depression. Your experience of telling a partner about depression struck a deep chord- I have been in a relationship for about 8 years and while my partner has been supportive of my ups and downs, he knows only a tiny bit- and has shown very little curiosity about- the treatment and medical parts. I suppose knowing me he may understand far more about depression than any facts about my treatment would tell him, but it is still odd. So it always interests how others handle the tricky step of revealing their depression experiences to new people in their lives. Thanks for sharing and wishing you much happiness!

HBF said...

I second Kindred's comment :o) I'm proud of you and grateful that everything went pretty well. It's tough "coming out," but it sounds like your risk might be paying off. Good luck-stay brave and focused on taking care of yourself :o) Thanks for blogging!

Kinza said...

Sounds good!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Etta ~ You took that big step.

You SSSOOO remind me of myself!! It has taken me a very long time to figure this out - but men are very different than we are....we want to talk about it - talk it through - talk it, explain, feel it, touch it, relive it, and talk some more, etc.....

Men ~ not so much. Allow D. to let this sink in. He will ask you questions as he is ready - or if he wants to know.

Bottomline ~ You did it. You FINISHED THAT RACE you crossed the line and told him "your secret" GASP!!!

Leave all the rest. If you must pour out all the "unsaid" then do it in a journal or on this blog but for now simply leave it....

Amazingly proud of you ~ and quite honestly! ~ I am very proud of D. I am liking him more and more...

Maggie Beth