Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wait and see

Sipping my morning cup of coffee, watching SportsCenter, it looks like a beautiful day outside. I'd usually be working out right now, but today is a rest day in advance of my marathon this weekend. So I have a little more time to relax this morning before work. It's nice, I guess, but I'd rather be doing something a bit more active. It feels too early to wait.

Waiting. That's what I'm doing. I'm waiting for Saturday to arrive, and I'm waiting to see if my calf will cooperate with running 26.2 miles. I had another massage yesterday. It wasn't uncomfortable, so I think I am healing. I attempted a 2 mile run/walk with Puck last night. There was no pain, but my left calf wasn't quite right yet. I was encouraged that at least there was no pain. I think Saturday will be okay, but there is nothing left to do now except wait.

I don't know about you, but I am not terribly skilled at waiting. Whether I'm waiting for an injury to heal or for an episode of depression to lift, patience is difficult. But I'm more skilled at it than I used to be. You wouldn't think I'd be able to relate a calf injury to depression, but watch this. I think I'm better at waiting out these little running injuries because of my experience with depression. Seriously.

Depression has taught me patience. I'm no expert, but like I said, I'm way more patient than I used to be. Depression forces that on us, doesn't it? It arrives for no reason. It often sticks around despite treatment and/or lifestyle changes. And frequently it lifts just as mysteriously as it arrived. We have no choice but to wait it out.

Some of us have waited, and waited, and waited. At least with my running injuries, I can take steps which almost certainly guarantee healing. Patience is a skill more easily practiced when I know I am doing what needs to be done. While depression is my chronic companion, I've learned the dark episodes are temporary. They do lift eventually. In the same manner, I know this injury will heal. It may not be on my time, but if I can survive the debilitating effects of depression, I can easily survive a little muscle injury. I just need to practice patience, do what I can, and wait. And that's what I'm trying to do.

I leave tomorrow for my race. I may not have another chance to write before the marathon. I'll let you know how everything turns out. I guess it's now your turn to wait. Hopefully, the waiting will be rewarding for all of us.


Anonymous said...

Well Done Etta.....

Maggie Beth

Jamie said...

Can't wait to hear how it turns out! Running injuries suck :-(