Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Accepting help

D just left my house. He's on his way home. As usual, it was great to see him and difficult to see him go. We had another nice weekend together, although his purpose this weekend was to assist me. That was his idea. He was going to do some work at his lake home this weekend, but he decided to come here instead. He thought I needed help, and he wanted to be the helper. That was nice.

I've been receiving help from several people lately. My friend Therese has taken Puck for several walks and short runs. Without her, Puck would likely be going nuts by now. D also took Puck for a couple of long walks over the weekend. My friend Katie arrived at my home Thursday morning with four boys and some rakes. She and her boys raked my leaves and mowed my lawn. My lawn now looks presentable. Even my parents got into the act. My mom made me some good pea soup, three quarters of which I froze, before she and my step-dad went south for the winter. I'm not used to receiving so much assistance.

I'm not used to receiving help, and accepting help makes me uncomfortable. After all, I'm a pretty independent gal. This weekend D kept asking, "What can I do for you?" I didn't know what to say. He kept making me sit down so he could get me water, or coffee, or whatever I needed. I was a little embarrassed. When Katie was here raking, I couldn't sit down. I kept wandering around outside, but with me on crutches, there was little I could do. I just felt like I shouldn't sit when so many others were working. Even when Therese is out walking Puck, I barely sit. It's silly. Accepting help is difficult for me. I always say thank you, but sometimes that just doesn't seem enough.

I need to work on accepting help gracefully. Recovering from this knee surgery will give me that opportunity, I guess. Maybe that's one of the things I'm supposed to learn while I sit on the sidelines. I'm very grateful for the assistance I've recently received. But I can't wait until I am again the helper rather than the helpee.


Anonymous said...

Is it possible you are unable to accept help because you do not feel worthy of people's assistance.....

It is not always that you NEED HELP sometimes people need to feel needed. (RE-Read that.) Do not block someone's blessing by being OVERLY independent!

D. showed how much you mean to him by changing his plans to come care for you.

Rather than attempting to pace on crunches maybe refocus that energy - why not silently pray God would return to your helpers two-fold what they are doing for you.

You are extremely blessed woman - MANY have NO help - you feel you have too much! What a problem to have!

(Trying to pace on crutches...that would be a great book title! :)

Maggie ~

etta said...

Thank you, Maggie. You are wise, and I always appreciate your feedback.

Rapid Detox said...

I am so happy to read that you are doing better!