Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sick and Stressed

I don't know about you, but being ill exhausts me. I have been feeling poorly for over a week now. Last week was brutal. I had a fever, sore throat, stuffy head, and fatigue for 5 days. Then the cough set in. I've been coughing day and night since late last week. It's exhausting.

It's been a tough 10 days. Besides being sick, which makes everything else more challenging, I've been worrying about my knee and upcoming surgery. I'm worried about how long the recovery will take, and if/when I'll be able to run again. I'm worried about my finances, as I don't have enough sick time to cover my extended leave from work after surgery. I'm anxious about my physical condition, and not being able to exercise has compounded my stress. I just feel like crap.

I hate to complain. Things could be worse. And a lot of things are going well. I am a little worried about my mood. It seems to be sliding. I'm not surprised. I don't think I'm dealing with things very well right now.

My friend, Kate, was here this past weekend to run The Twin Cities Marathon. We were supposed to run it together. It was nice to see her, show her around my state, and introduce her to my friends. Unfortunately, I think all the socializing we did wore me out. And it was really tough watching a race I was supposed to have run. By Sunday night, I was wiped out.

I'm supposed to visit D. this weekend at his lake home. I'm not looking forward to the 5.5 hour drive. I'm still so tired, and I just don't know if I have the energy to be social for another entire weekend. That scares me. Like I said, I'm worried about my mood. I'm finding myself wanting to stay home and sleep instead of doing just about anything else.

I've contacted my doctor, and I've let my best friends know I'm worried about my sliding mood. Now I'm letting you know, too. I need to arrest this before I sink. I think this upcoming surgery will be stressful enough. I don't want to add a depression relapse on top of it. I've got to be on guard and proactive. I can't ignore it. As my friend, Cindy, told me last night, I have to keep moving forward, one step at a time, and do the next right thing. If I can just focus on the next right thing, this too shall pass.


Kinza said...

Yes, it will pass! However, try to make it as easy for you as possible. Maybe you could stay at home this weekend? Or still go, try to enjoy the ride with some nice music on, and ask D. to limit socializing with other people.
Take care!

Adam Glenn said...

Keep one step ahead of that depression. Seems like you have a lot going on now. Good luck as you sort through it all...

The Blue Morpho said...

Sometimes our moods do go down for a while, and then lift again on their own. I know I tend to panic when I have several down days in a row, but I'm beginning to realize that that can actually be normal. Not always, but my panicking about it only makes things worse. Like you said, it will pass eventually, and in the mean time we have to be good to ourselves! I can only imagine how frustrating it was to watch someone run in a race you were supposed to run too. And being sick is always rough, especially when a cough comes on and doesn't want to leave. But it does not have to be depression on the way. Get some good food, good sleep, and some sunshine and imagine how great it will be when your knee is working like it should again. Good luck with the surgery - I think that is very brave.
Adventures in Anxiety Land

anxiety hypnosis said...

I do hope you'll recover real soon. Prolonged sickness might trigger your anxiety or panic attack. Don't stress yourself too hard and as you've said, your illness will pass.