Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A difficult day?

Everyone knows holidays may be emotionally difficult, especially for those of us with mental illness. Maybe we are no longer close to family or friends. Maybe we don't tolerate large gatherings of people. Maybe we can't get off our couch and out the door to partake in the holiday cheer. Whatever the reason, holidays may be emotionally difficult for a wide variety of people in a wide variety in situations.

Today, a day typically devoted to compiling my gratitude list, has already begun with my mood in the toilet. It's been a long couple of days of misery. My mood has me feeling isolated and alone. My energy has been extremely low, and my fatigue unusually high. I had hoped today would dawn a little brighter, but so far the cheer of the season has not rubbed off on me.

Despite my mood, I've pushed on through the darkness. I've made it to work. I've treated my patients well. I've done my best to move my body. Even if it's only been taking Puck for a walk, I've moved a bit each day. I've done my best to reach out, but I confess, this I've not done all that well. Misery, it turns out, does not always love company. I'm doing the best I can and waiting for "this too shall pass."

Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends and gratitude. I'd rather not do any of the aforementioned today, but I will. I will compile my gratitude list. Even in my darkened state, I know I have a ton of people and things for which to be grateful. It will serve me well to acknowledge them all.

I have been invited to the home of friends for dinner, and I'd rather not go, but I will. It will serve me well to participate. I may not stay all day. I may leave after an hour, but I will almost certainly feel better there than if I stay home alone. I'll also call my mom, even though I don't like to talk to her when I feel so sad. She'll appreciate the contact, and hopefully it will momentarily get me out of myself.

And I will move today. I will take Puck for a walk. Of all the things I have to be grateful for, he is number one. We are quite the team, and I don't know what I'd do without him. Today is a day for me to take the actions in hopes that the mood will follow. Please mood...follow!

Certainly, I'd rather feel better today, but the reality is I don't. I'll put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can. I'm grateful to be able to share a little of my story with all of you here. I appreciate my readers, commenters, and cyberspace friends. Thank you all for keeping me moving even when the moving isn't easy. I appreciate your support. Here's to a day filled with friends and family and gratitude for all of us. Happy Thanksgiving.


Sharon Pernes said...

I don't think you gve yourself enough credit. You have succeeded simply by going to work and taking the dog for a walk. That's 2 things that are not very easy to do while depressed. You should celebrate those achievements.

You always amaze me by the fact that even on dark days you function fairly well. The fact that you go to work is a great testament to how strong you really are.

Please try to enjoy today. Breathe the fresh air when taking the dog for a walk. Cme up with some talking points before you go to your friends today so you feel more comfortable chatting with people who are there and smile a few times.

I have found that just the act of putting a smile on my face helps change my mood a bit. The more smiles the better.

Enjoy your day and remember
To make today a great (or at least good) day no matter what. I'd love to hear how you did tomorrow.


Kinza said...

I am thankful, Etta, for you writing and sharing things on your blog.

greatstaystill said...

we are all with you! one day each day. thank you for your amazing blog. xx