Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Off to work

Sitting under my artificial sun light, eating oatmeal, drinking coffee, and watching ESPN, I'm already dressed in my scrubs and ready to go to work. It's Monday, after all, and work is what I do on Monday. I made it through the long holiday weekend. It wasn't necessarily pretty, and it certainly wasn't easy, but I did not let depression totally knock me down.

At times it was hard to move. Depression weighed heavy on my limbs. But I took Puck for his walks and made it to an appointment for him. As is typical, he made me smile.

At times it was difficult to reach out. Depression weighed heavy on my soul. But I finally called my friends, and they kindly took me in. We shared a few meals and hung out. They even made me laugh.

At times it was almost impossible to handle the distress. Depression wreaked havoc on my thinking. But I practiced some of the skills I'd been taught. Cognitively, despite how I felt, I knew this would eventually pass. It's always passed in the past, and despite how miserable I felt in the moment, I had to focus on that. I did the best I could, and here I am. It's Monday.

I'm ready for work. I don't know what this day will hold. I can't afford to worry about that. I'll do my best to take it as it comes. I have a few hiding spots at work where I can stop and take a breath when and if that's needed. I'm a competent physical therapist no matter the turmoil raging inside. I look forward to seeing my patients and letting them pull me outside myself for awhile. It will be a relief to focus on them rather then misery. I'm ready. Today, I will not let depression totally knock me down.


Gail said...

You are an ultra endurance champion! So proud to know you are moving forward when every cell in your body is calling for you to collapse. You are in the gully of the wave but based on your pattern you will be swept to the crest for a breath soon. Hang on!!!

Sharon Pernes said...

You continue to amaze me with how strong and smart you are...good job for getting thru the weekend.

Wendyt Love said...

Just getting back to your blog after a long absence. I completely understand depression as you describe it and I know what it is like. But I also know how it is sometimes possible to just make a decision, such as going to work, and getting the job done, despite my feelings. You do well to comment that your patients take you out of yourself for awhile. Anyways, you still do a great job on your blog. I am praying for you today.

Unknown said...

I just discovered your blog through a friend and am really encouraged reading your stories, poems and reflections. Thank you for writing. I'm someone who struggles too but that the outside world would never know. I'm still a competent professional, just sometimes I have to hide in a corner and breathe.
Keep writing, It's appreciated even across the pond!