Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Back Inside

I had my third ECT treatment yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't return home afterwards. I was feeling so low I was in tears, and I was re-hospitalized. I think I am now here for at least one week or more. The doctor wants to do my remaining ECT treatments while I'm an inpatient rather than an outpatient. I'm hoping he doesn't want to do all ten while I'm here, because that would put me here for another 2-3 weeks. I simply can't afford that. Next weekend--that's my goal. I don't think I'd be able to stand it much longer than that.

Despite the fact that I'm back inpatient, things are going okay. My body is really tired, so I've not yet had the energy to exercise. Besides attending the required education groups, I've spent much of the last couple days sleeping. At least I have my computer now, so I can keep this blog updated. But I miss Puck, and I miss being outside already. I think it's going to be a long week. But that's okay, too. The reality was I couldn't continue living the way I was, so this is, for now, the place for me to be. Things can only get better from here.


Kelly said...

You'll make it through this, Etta. I believe in you and your HP. I will keep you in my prayers.

The Girl said...

I'm sorry you are inpatient again, it's never what I want either but it's good to see you need it.

I've really been enjoying reading your blog. You are SO lucky you get a computer while inpatient, I always end up writing everything down and making blog posts when I get home. It's a pain in the butt.

I hope you start feeling better soon :)


Noch Noch said...

Just stumbled across your blog. thanks for sharing your experience. I've not been inpatient before, so I can't imagine it
but as I slowly recover, it's inspiring to see what others who go through the same think
Noch Noch

Fred said...

I know that feeling of being too worn out to exercise. I'm addicted to working out. But I still have those days. I do everything in slow motion. It's all karate and tai chi. I don't do weights or running or anything. I just go in slow motion. Kind of clears my mind. Doesn't always help, but at least I get my exercise. And I stop pacing like a caged cat.

Sally said...

Hi: I think I started reading your blog because of the sobriety aspect (27 years for me, gulp) and became fascinated by your easy description of clinical depression.
Of course, I am saddened you have to experience this - keep up the good sobriety and please continue to blog.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are feeling better soon. I know how frustrating the battle against depression is and I am hopeful that the ECT treatments will work for you.

Take some comfort and pride in knowing that your blog reaches a lot of people and a lot of people are praying for you.