Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Glad it's Friday

I last wrote here before work on Monday. Now I'm in the midst of my morning routine, and it's Friday. It's been a really long week. I haven't had the motivation or the words to write since Monday. My mood continues to challenge me to the fullest. I'm not sure how I've survived.

I did my best to travel the path God laid before me. I made it to work. I went to my meetings. I met with and worked with my sponsee. I took Puck for his walks. I even made it to the pool once for a swim. But my mood did not respond.

Despite participating in life (to the best of my ability), my mood continues to be very dark. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of hours lying motionless on the sofa, and a lot of moments of sheer, isolative misery. It's been tough.

I've tried to combat the darkness by communicating with my treatment team. Yesterday I met with my social worker and doctor. My doc increased one of my meds. We all hope that will do the trick. If not, I'm not sure what options lie ahead. In the meantime, I need to work hard to keep myself safe and moving forward, I guess. But honestly, that's getting more and more difficult to do. I'm praying for a reprieve.


Kat Speeckaert said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kinza said...

thinking of you, even more on the days when you do not write on yr blog, because I know those days are even more difficult

ラスカルっ said...

My English is not good representation,
I hope you can become a peaceful feeling.

Benjamin said...

Hello Etta,

I'm very grateful to have found your blog. I was diagnosed with dysthymia five years ago, as a mere 17-year-old. I, too, have trudged along and found comfort in pushing through running - I completed my first marathon this year - and I just visited my first AA meeting this past week, finally deciding to get my drinking under control.

I know how alone and ostracized one can feel with this illness. Of course no two depressions are ever the same, but you're not alone, at all. Stay proud, stay strong, stay well.

Fred said...

When I worked five days a week, Fridays were horror for me. I dreaded the weekend. Grew up in a frozen-dead church, so Sundays were pure hell. Now I work seven days a week. I admit it. I'm a workaholic, but at least I'm off that rollercoaster.

Unknown said...

I echo Benjamin's sentiments xx