Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Inpatient, Outpatient, ECT

You may have been wondering where I've been. I was hospitalized Wednesday night. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be there, but it was the safest, most sane place for me to be. While inpatient, I had no access to a computer, so no updates for you and no therapeutic writing for me.

I got out of the hospital yesterday just in time to drive to my boyfriend's home for his family Christmas party. It was a huge affair with too much food, lots of people and an equal amount of revelry. It was very fun, albeit a bit overwhelming. But it was a great distraction from the misery of the past few weeks.

The plan is to return home tomorrow and begin outpatient ECT treatments on Tuesday. I will likely end up doing 6-10 treatments, just as I did last spring. Again, this is not where I wanted this relapse to take me, but it is the only option left to deal with the pain I've been in.

Unfortunately, ECT treatments will put me in a world of hurt financially, as I will not be able to work for perhaps up to 4 weeks. I'm going to be a rebel and try to get in a few days here and there, but I don't yet know if that will be possible. I am also not allowed to drive, and therefore I will need to negotiate rides everywhere. There are many other issues, including telling my work and explaining things to D, but I've only got time for the above update right now.

As usual, I will appreciate any prayers and support during this incredibly difficult time.


Anonymous said...

I heard a quote from a Rabbi last week, (don't know if it was original or not ~ doesn't matter).

What separates a hero from a coward is one step past fear.

You are a hero ~ even on the bad days.

Keep walking Etta.

I'm sorry. I'm praying. I'm proud.


Sharon Pernes said...

I'm sending prayers and hugs your way.

Anonymous said...

I am riding a similar roller-coaster as you. I hope you will receive some reprieve soon.

Spanner said...

life knocks you back sometimes, just keep moving forwards :-)

Wendy Love said...

I am praying....

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Wishing the best for you and keeping you in my prayers. So sorry you are having to go through this.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry this is happening again, but glad you are getting the help you need. Please keep in mind after your knee surgery you havent been able to exercise as much and I know if I dont exercise my mood deteriorates. Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way! It will get better as you have bravely shown us before!

"Lil Ol' Me" said...

(((((HUGS)))) honey!!

Keep fighting. The road is long and tough. Dear Lord, do I ever know.

I admire you so much. For continuing to share your journey....the good, the bad, the great, and the ugly!!

Sending my love and prayers

Kat Speeckaert said...

you have my thoughts and prayers.