Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Going home?

I thought I was going home this morning. I had it all planned. I was going to finish my ECT course as an outpatient over the next two weeks, and I was going to return to part-time, part-time work on Wednesday, January 11th. Unfortunately, after a brief reprieve, I've been very low over the past two days. My mood absolutely tanked again, which meant returning home this morning was not the wisest thing to do. So here I am. It's been 8 days now, and I'm still here in the hospital.

It looks like I may go home tomorrow or Monday. It's most likely that I will have another ECT treatment Monday morning and then return home. I'm hoping for a mood rebound over the next couple days.

I'm facing some difficult choices once I leave, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the dip in mood. Most of the choices center around work and finances. Those are both triggers for me, so again, I shouldn't be surprised by the mood decline. Basically, I'm faced with the to-work or not-to-work decision. It's too complicated to explain at this time, but suffice it to say it is a very difficult decision to make. When things get clearer, I'll try to summarize it here. Right now, it's too overwhelming to write out.

I'm trying to remain hopeful. I'm trying to stay in the moment and have faith that everything will work out as it should. I'm trying to stand tall despite the battering this illness is currently inflicting upon me. I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and comments of support.

8 comments:

Siobhan Harrington said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I was routing for you to get home today. I too was hospitalised just before Christmas, but I was lucky enough to get home on Christmas Eve. I hope the fog lifts, and you get out soon.

-Chris said...

Etta
I haven't posted to you in a while, but suffice it to say, I'm still here. Remember the many times you've battled this before, and hold tight to the fact that this too, shall pass. Remember, the Bible says "...and it came to pass..."; it came to pass, not to stay. You WILL come through this and many people are praying for you. In fact, we already KNOW you're coming through.

Anonymous said...

Etta ~ I am so sorry.

I know you are disappointed.

I wish there was a way to hit the pause button ~ allow your brain to 'rest' and heal and then return to face the choices coming soon. Would that life was like that....

Allow yourself to be embraced by your support-system. Rest and lean on them....just rest for this moment Etta ~ all else will be there soon enough.....

Prayers of peace, comfort, healing and PATIENCE!

Maggie

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and hoping for peace for yourself and any decisions you may have to make. In the meantime, staying in the moment sounds like the best plan. Keep reaching out and give things time to pass, be worked through, and get better.

Anonymous said...

Wow, ECT is pretty heavy going. Good luck, Etta.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! Although we have never met, I just wanted to let you know that I am rooting for you!

Adam Glenn said...

I hope you were able to go home today! Good luck as you sort things out.

etta said...

Actually, I didn't go home today either. My treatment team thought I'd be better off staying in the hospital for the 24 hours after ECT. So I'm going home tomorrow. I think...



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