Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Three more treatments

It's the end of another long, inpatient weekend. Thankfully, we at least had football to watch both Saturday and today. Other than that distraction, and a visit from Puck yesterday, it's been another long, boring weekend here. Puck is now staying at the home of my sponsor, as friends Bill and Cindy went on their own two week vacation. He seems to be no worse for my absence, but I worry about him and miss him terribly.

Tomorrow I will have ECT treatment number 10. It looks like we are going to do the full course of 12 treatments, which means I'm here until next weekend. We changed up some of the parameters for ECT treatment number 9 on Friday, and I am finally beginning to feel better. Yesterday, despite being long and boring, my mood was probably the best it's been since I arrived here 3 weeks ago. I'm more hopeful now that the final 3 treatments will knock the depression back for good.

I'm worried about finances. I''ve been off work since December 21st. That's almost 6 weeks without a paycheck. I'm not sure how that will work itself out, but I have to believe that it will. And when I return to work, it will be at about half the time I was working before this treatment episode. Thankfully, my boss is willing to work with me and has been flexible with my return. I'm grateful for that. I don't want to jump back in too soon, but I've got to pay my bills.

I'm praying for a positive week ahead. I'm not looking forward to being inside for another 5-6 days, but if the next three ECT treatments have the impact of the last one, things will be good. Wish me luck.


Sharon Pernes said...

I hope these last 3 treatments help.
If you can't work you should look into disability.

Anonymous said...

Good luck and hang in there. So glad things are feeling better. The financial decisions are out of your control at the moment. You are taking care of yourself - which will enable you to deal with them later. What is that saying..worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but doesn't take you anywhere?! I tell myself that when my brain is running too fast to sleep. Sometimes it helps...

Kinza said...

Wishing you luck, Etta. I am thinking of you. It will get better!

Anonymous said...

Etta - I am sorry you are missing Puck....I completely understand! I am thrilled you got to see him. But GAWD I understand!

I am glad you are feeling a difference following the latest ECT treatment. But I noticed you projected a good bit into the future in your post (wink).

Please try and stay in the moment and deal with life moment at a time - don't worry about things that may never happen - or make scenarios (SP?) that never play out.

Focus on yourself - and allow the future to wait until it becomes NOW. You can not heal - OR improve your spirits if you are fighting current battles AND swinging the sword at dragons that have not even come out of their shells yet......CHILL BABY!! LOL!

Covering you prayer! Maggie

Brian Pollack said...

Disability may be a good option. Contact your local community service bureau or center for information, especially if you can't workdue to your condition. i hope the ECT works and has become a feasbile option, it's a tough decision and one you obviously have done with solid rationale. Great Blog. Good Luck and keep on going.