Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Getting things done

Today was a good day. I worked a little over 6 hours. That is the longest I've worked in well over one month. Needless to say, I was exhausted and slightly brain-dead by the end of the day. But it felt good to contribute to the welfare of my patients and to assist my coworkers again. My mood held steady as well. It wasn't back to normal--not even close--but I wasn't in tears or totally overwhelmed at all today.  So today was a good day. It's been a really, really long time since I've been able to say that.

I've been focusing on getting one thing done at a time. Today it was work and then a walk. Tomorrow I hope to run 4 miles and then work 4 hours. I don't usually work on Thursdays, but I can't work on Friday, as I'm doing a maintenance ECT treatment on Friday. This will be my second of four maintenance ECT treatments. I'm not thrilled about the maintenance ECT treatments, but I decided I had to do everything within my power to squash this depression episode before it literally killed me. Who knows? Maybe last week's treatment contributed to feeling better today? It's possible.

It feels good to be able to say today was a good day. I'm a long way from healed. I'm still struggling in so many ways, but for today I'm just focusing on what I've gotten done. I worked. I walked with Puck. I made myself dinner. And now I'm updating my blog. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But today was a good day.


lostandaimless said...

I've been reading here a while and just wanted to say I'm glad today was a good day for you. I wish you many more good days.

Anonymous said...

Hi Etta,

I am new to your blog and your frankness has helped me a lot in continuing to understand this mysterious thing that is happening to us. I am so glad that you are doing better today - you are truly a strong person. You sound like you have been doing pretty well with the exception of the relatively few episodes I have read about so far. I hope you can remember (at least in theory if not in your actual memory) that life truly can be beautiful and fulfilling - you just have to hang in there while things wax and wane. Life is cyclical, and you will surely cycle back up again. Just remember that the lows are only a part of reality, that reality consists of everything - the highs, the lows, and all that is in between...try to step back if you can and see that truth. Hopefully it will bring you some peace and hope. We are thankful that you share your experiences with us and are here with you, hoping tomorrow is as good as today was. Xxoo.

Wendy Love said...

To be able to say 'today is a good day' is a victory for you given what you have recently come through. I have found that taking one day at a time, good or bad, makes this old depression manageable. Considering any more than one day is overwhelming. Even a bad day, when over, I will say to myself, 'it is just one day, maybe tomorrow will be better.' I am rejoicing with you over your 'today was a good day'.

Anonymous said...

So glad today was a better day. I admire you for pushing through at times that are so difficult. These things that may feel like small steps are huge considering you actually are making a plan and sticking to it when you are able. I admire you. I hope treatment goes well on Friday. Thank you for sharing this blog.

Bill and Sandy Fifield said...

All you can do is take it one day at a time. When my husband and I were going through the 12 Steps, we thought forever was too large a goal; however, it's now been two decades, so just know that you can get there.

All the best,
Bill and Sandy

Anonymous said...

I've also had ECT treatment and hated and dreaded it every time... I hope it hasn't been as difficult for you.