Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

And she ran!

I'm feeling very lucky. And grateful... Why? I've been able to run twice in the past 3 days. I don't understand why. It makes no sense, but I've been able to run. That little loose body keeps floating around in my knee joint, occasionally getting lodged and causing significant pain, but it's also allowed me some painfree time as well. Sunday afternoon was one of those painfree times.

I woke up with pain Sunday morning, but it soon worked it's way out. I went to church, had breakfast with friends, complained about not being able to run, and came home disgusted that I was facing another swimming workout. In a moment of belligerence, I donned my running gear to take Puck for a walk. Of course, we didn't start out walking. I figured my knee would grab me soon enough, so Puck and I began running our usual 1.7 mile loop. Unbelievably, my knee didn't hurt, and Puck and I ran the entire loop.

After finishing Puck's loop, I dropped him at home and decided to see how far I could go. My plan was to continue running loops so I wouldn't get too far from home. Well, that plan went out the window after another painfree mile. Instead of coming home I continued running further and further away. By the time I turned back toward home, I was in the midst of a 10 mile run! I ran 10 miles! I couldn't believe it.

That was Sunday. I've had knee pain off and on since then. That loose body is still in there. But today I went out to test it again. My legs were still tired from Sunday's effort, and my knee was a little tricky, but I made it 5 miles without pain. I think someone was smiling down on me.

I cannot begin to tell you how cautiously relieved I am. One minute I was distraught and certain I was going to miss The Boston Marathon. In the next moment everything looked quite different. At this point, I'm thinking I may be able to run/walk it, but I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what tomorrow will hold. I'm planning to run a 17-mile long run this week. We'll see how that goes before I get too excited.

Like I said, I'm feeling lucky and grateful. My mood was taking a precipitous drop prior to my 10-miler on Sunday. I was getting quite worried. Being able to run has helped put a halt to the drop. That's a relief. I don't think I could handle another depression relapse right now. But we'll see what happens. I'm preparing for the worst, but hopefully I'll be able to continue to run.

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