Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Morning dread

I'm sitting here with my feet up, drinking my coffee, computer on my lap, ESPN's SportsCenter flickering on the TV, dressed in my medical scrubs, dreading going to work. Minus the dread, this is my usual morning routine. I get up early specifically so I have time to relax, gather my thoughts, and prepare myself for the day. The dread, as I suggested, is new. It sucks to dread going to work.

The dread began after the big boss threw me the curveball, by demanding I change my schedule, a week and a half ago. Last week was okay because he was on vacation. But on Monday, he was back, and the tension was palpable. His office is just down the hall from the therapy department. I pass it, back and forth, probably 100 times per day. In addition, we often meet in the hallway. We met more than once on Monday. He did not have a word to say, and his glare was menacing. Really rather immature, I think, but no less disturbing.

So what does one do when the boss is a jerk? I tried my best to ignore his pettiness, but I couldn't help but expect to be called into his office again. Thankfully, I wasn't. But will I be summoned today? I don't know. It doesn't pay to worry about it, really. I can't control whether I will be summoned or not. I can't control his thoughts or his petty behavior. Perhaps today he won't be such a jerk, but I think that's wishful thinking. It sucks to feel such dread.

I've got to get going now. I've said my prayers, and I think I'll say a few more. I'll try to focus on my patients, enjoy them, stay positive, and have fun. I'll do my best to ignore what I shouldn't have to worry about. And I'll make that follow-up phone call regarding the job I interviewed for last week! That's one way to deal with a boss that's being a jerk, I guess.

1 comment:

Wendy Love said...

That is a dilemma! But you are able to work some, that is a blessing. And you have a job, that is a blessing. And you even have another job you can apply for, opportunity! I am sure none of that makes up for a boss who is clearly a negative cloud on your work days though. I will pray for you too.