Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Perseverance

It's a beautiful day, and I just got done running 12, 1/4 mile intervals. I didn't get out the door until after 2:00 PM, as I just couldn't get going this morning. I actually had to go back to bed after breakfast, and I slept for 3 more hours. Interestingly, I worked the last two days, Sunday and Monday. My fatigue makes sense in light of that fact, I guess. Anyway, as I was saying, it was tough to get out the door and run today. I was 1.5 miles into my run, facing 12 by 1/4 mile intervals, and I still didn't feel like being out there. But I began anyway.

I ran the first couple intervals way too fast, which made the next few way more difficult. I was running back and forth between two bridges on a local bike path. They just happen to be exactly 1/4 mile apart. There was a homeless man enjoying his afternoon beverage sitting on a bench observing me. We chatted a bit, which helped me keep going. You see, I told him several times how many intervals I had left, which made me accountable to someone. I wanted to stop after 4 and again after 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10! It took over an hour, but I persevered and finished all 12 intervals! Boy are my legs tired!

I was thinking about perseverance while I ran back and forth. I wondered if perseverance in running translated to life, and specifically to depression. Somewhere around interval 7, I came to the conclusion that it did. I think being able to put one foot in front of the other when I am physically suffering and don't want to be where I'm at, whether during a speed workout or a 20-miler, does translate to surviving life with depression.

I think back to January. (I'm still a bit traumatized by the depth of depression I experienced in January.) I think back to the hospital. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to do ECT. I was in so much pain. I didn't think I could or would survive another day. But I did. I put one foot in front of the other and did the next thing in front of me, in the hospital and at home, to survive a very difficult time. That doesn't make me some kind of hero. I'm just thinking. I wonder if I didn't have the running experiences I've had; I wonder if the results would have been the same. I don't know, but I think my running experience helped.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear how much you are improving! Very inspirational!
Nancy

Jean Grey said...

I am sure that your running experience has made you a stronger person, something that helped you to survive your depressions and to come out the other side.



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