Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dating Again

A few weeks ago, I had a wacky thought and joined an online dating site. I don't know what I was thinking. I was quickly overwhelmed and left the site within a few days. But just before I left, I met someone. We had our first date last week. He took me to lunch at one of the finer restaurants in town. As usual, I was worried. When do I tell him about being in recovery? How do I introduce the fact that I have depression? What if he discovers my blog? These and many other questions were racing through my head as I prepared to meet him for the first time.

Fortunately for me, I met a rather enlightened individual. We had a nice time together, and when we parted, it was with the intent of seeing each other again. Despite my wishes to the contrary, after spending more than three hours together, he knew almost everything there is to know about me. He asked many, many questions, and I answered him honestly each time. All of my history came out. He even knew about this blog, but only that it was about depression and running.  I wasn't prepared for what happened later.

Early that evening I received an e-mail from him. He had read my blog! I was stunned! I'd never dated anyone who read my blog. Most of my family don't know about my blog, and the ones who do have agreed not to read it. The information here is very personal, and I don't feel comfortable having family members read it. I didn't quite know what to think about my date reading it, but I knew it made me feel vulnerable. I was worried.

I was certain my tales of hopelessness would send him running in the opposite direction. After messaging him my concern, he phoned to tell me everything was okay. Not only was he not scared off by my blog, he actually felt it helped him to know me better. He complimented me for surviving this journey I've been traveling. Again, I was stunned. Who was this man?

Since that conversation, we've seen each other again. It went really well. We've been in daily contact. Every time I receive a message from him I smile. I like that. But I'm not jumping in with both feet yet. Online dating can be so temporary. I'm living in the moment. Right now I'm having fun. I look forward to seeing him again, but I'm not planning too far ahead. I like him, and if it's meant to be it will work out as it should. It'll happen one day at a time.


Kelly said...

You're right, he does sound enlightened. Good for you, Etta. :)

Andy King said...

Nice story... Yours is a story of sharing the pain... If you share your pain as much as possible with someone near and dear, you pain will fade away slowly... And the day will come, you will feel that you never had depression... I hope your story continues... Good Luck...

Laura said...

Glad you found him!
I often worry about friends or family reading my blog as I've not really told them I'm writing (much less what about) but had to balance that with the thought of not writing. For now, the writing is still winning.

I really hope that things work out the way they should and that things for the new job are falling into place too.

Mentioned a few weeks ago that you'd inspired me to try running. As someone who'd never ran before, couch 2 5k has been my 'marathon'. Now hitting 4k plus on a run with just over 2 weeks to go. Who knows, maybe one day I'll catch you at a marathon in the future...long way to go but who knows!

etta said...

@ Laura: I couldn't be happier that you've been inspired to run by something I wrote! I love turning people into runners! I hope you find as much enjoyment in it as I do. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I'm so excited for you Etta - I hope you know as much about him as he now knows about you. (SMILE) -- Only good thoughts, and prayers of peace, friendship and love. (HUGS) - Maggie

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

That's wonderful that you are enjoying the dates and enjoying the moments. He does sound enlightened and understanding.

You have a really good attitude about it--if it's meant to be, it will work out.


Thora said...

Thanks for sharing. Honesty is important and is the basis for a good relationship. Hope that he was as willing to share his story with you as your were with him.

Best of luck, Thora

Andrea said...

Totally of topic, I just came back to blogs after years away but your profile could of been written for me...even down to the dog...Ive a great dane.. I love ur openess on where uve been and where u are in the moment... nice to meet u