Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Anxiously preparing

In less than 12 hours I will be starting my new job. I'm anxious. I have no idea what to expect. I don't know if I'm going to be orienting tomorrow, or treating patients, or a little of both. I'm way more nervous than I expected I would be. I'm especially concerned about treating outpatients. So I'm hoping tomorrow is more focused on the nursing home crowd, but like I said, I have no idea what's in store.

I've been preparing for this new position by going through some of my old textbooks, and that's led me to some major organizing behavior. In the process of digging through boxes of physical therapy textbooks, I threw away two full boxes of old psychology textbooks (from my first career). I didn't stop there, however. I began going through much of my stored stuff. I now have two and a half large boxes of stuff to go to The Salvation Army, and I've only just begun.

I've been wanting to rid myself of extra stuff for some time, but I've been too overwhelmed by the prospect of it to even start the project. Now I'm committed. I began the process at one end of my upper floor, where all my junk is stored. I'm planning to work my way across the room. I had a huge garage sale a couple summers ago. I felt like I rid myself of extra stuff at that time, but now I realize I have much more to purge.

I'm not sure where this urge to purge is coming from, but I like it. I feel burdened by the extra stuff. It's weighing my down somehow. I want to have as little as possible. I figure if I haven't thought about it, looked at it, or needed it in the last two years, it's time for it to go! And I don't want to sell it. I just want it gone. If it has value to someone at the Salvation Army Store, that's great! I feel relieved to have finally started the purging process.

I don't know if this need to purge is related to the new job. For some reason, I think it is, but I have no idea how it's related or why it would be. It just feels like it is. I guess I'll have to take that one up with my therapist. Unless you all have some ideas...

Now I've got to finish preparing for the dreaded first day. I'll let you know how it goes.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

Good luck on your first day on the new job!

When I start a new job, I feel like I'm starting a new phase in life. I do little things that probably sound silly--clean out my daybook, clean out my purse and backpack. Not that I don't do those things periodically, anyway, but I make a special effort.

Shannon said...

I'm sure you will do great! And the purging probably has to do with ringing in the new job, like a new start. What is funny is I am VERY social anxiety ridden everywhere but at a job! I find it freeing to have these relationships that full fill me but aren't so personal that I have to fully commit....funny. Anyway...I hope it goes great for you!

Anonymous said...

Purging and a fresh start...sounds like you are mentally and physically ready to move forward in this new direction! Beginning a new job is stressful and overwhelming - even if it is exciting! Good luck tomorrow and in the coming weeks!