Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Under the Weather

I don't know about you, but being sick challenges my mood stability. I am still battling some sort of virus. My throat soreness didn't stop until yesterday, but today everything seems to have moved south into my chest. I've got a nasty bark of a cough. I'm worn out. I just got up from a 2 hour nap, and I haven't done a damn thing to warrant such fatigue. This is when my mood starts to slip. I don't like convalescing so. I can tolerate it for a couple days. Sometimes it's even a nice little break. But we're going on a week now, and I'm getting a little tired of this.

So far my mood has held up, but being sick, especially for this long, certainly challenges it. I'm keeping close tabs on it. Paying attention, that's about all I can do for now. I don't want the darkness sneaking up on me. I certainly hope I start feeling physically better soon.

Since I've been sick, I have little else to report. I did feel well enough on Thursday to go for a short, easy run. It was so gorgeous outside, I was just itching to go, and I felt good while out there. But maybe that was a mistake, because I seem to have felt physically worse since then.

Work has been slowly getting a little less stressful. I still feel overwhelmed every time I get a new patient, but I've been working my way through it. I had a 5-hour training class yesterday, which will help me feel a little less stressed with the techniques I learned. I expect things will continue to improve. I just wish the whole process would proceed a bit more quickly.

Proceeding more quickly; that seems to be the theme of this post. I want to feel physically better sooner rather than later. I want to feel less overwhelmed at work as soon as possible. I'm apparently not thrilled with God's time frame right now. I guess that means I need to work on acceptance. Pushing back against God's time won't get me anywhere. I know that. So I guess I'll be convalescing a bit longer and continuing to walk through the newness of my job as best I can. And I'll keep working on my acceptance.

1 comment:

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm sorry you're still battling this illness. Hope you feel better soon. And I'm glad the job is going better.

You will get better physically and you will become very comfortable with your job. I am very impatient, too, so I can empathize with you. But you're right--there's God's time, and there's still things we can loearn even during waiting periods.