Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Fewer valleys

I think I'm getting better. My mood has been a bit more stable lately, and that has been despite, or perhaps because I've been busy. The roller coaster has mellowed. It's more like a kiddie coaster now. I am still dipping, but the valleys are fewer, and they are more shallow. I'm hoping these are both good signs.

Like I said, I've been busy this weekend. I ran my last 20-mile training run before The Twin Cities Marathon. I was out there before the sun rose yesterday morning. It was a gorgeous day! Things went well. I hit the pace I planned to hit, and I wasn't too pooped at the end. I think I'll be ready when I hit the starting line in three weeks.

Last night, I told my story at my regular AA meeting. I've only done that once before, and it was a few years ago, so I was nervous. I typed up what I thought was a fair amount of information yesterday afternoon, as I was expected to speak for close to an hour. At the meeting, what I typed up only took 25 minutes to say, but I still got good feedback from the audience members. I guess I'll have to add a couple of anecdotes to my story next time.

Today was another busy day. Do you remember "D," my boyfriend from last year? We met on a bike path in northern Wisconsin last spring and dated until I was hospitalized in January. He disappeared when I was in the hospital. He couldn't handle it. The depression scared him.

Well, D and I have been talking off and on since mid-April. It was very, very sporadic texts at first, but in mid to late July, we began speaking a bit. Finally, we decided to meet about one month ago. We live 4 hours apart from each other, so we met in the middle and had dinner.  It was nice, but we didn't talk about what happened or anything substantial.

I didn't think things were going to go anywhere after that meeting, but D and I kept in touch and met again today. Today we spent about 6 hours together. And we talked a lot about what happened in January, about depression, and about where we might go from here. We are both so comfortable with each other, I hope he's willing to be educated. We plan to meet again, and I'm really happy about that.

Now it's time for bed.


ruby-tuesday said...

I'm glad you are feeling better and the roller coaster is slowing down.

That's great you told your story at AA! I used to go to NA and AA but stopped going because of anxiety.
I'm currently coming off methadone and I could really use some support but am afraid to go back.
Do you have any advice that could help?

Hope things work out with you and your boy x

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm glad the roller coaster is smaller now and you're feeling better. I hope it gets only better!

Your running sounds fabulous, and good luck with the marathon coming up!