Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, October 26, 2012

A little sad

I'm feeling a bit sad tonight. I've been missing D all week. For some reason it still feels like he just walked out the door, that fresh sadness. It's different for me to miss him like this. We have a long distance relationship, after all. If I miss him this much every time he goes, I'm in trouble.

On top of missing him, I'm missing my mom already. Although we will be spending 8 days in New York together beginning next weekend, she just left Minnesota for the winter. She and my step-dad go south for the winter months. They won't be back until next May. She had been around here for the past couple of weeks, and we spent a lot of time together. It was nice. I feel a little silly for missing her already. I am grateful for the relationship we have today.

So I'm feeling a little sad tonight. And even though I've identified the cause of the sadness, feeling sad still makes me a bit uneasy. Sad feels a little too similar to depression for me to be totally comfortable with it. But I don't expect this sadness to morph into depression. I think I'm just sad. I've not much more to say than that.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm sorry for your sadness. I hope tomorrow is less sad! I know how hard it is to miss people we care about.

Mopsa said...

Hi, I just found out your blog. I've been dealing with depression too, even though I'm much better now. I relate a lot when you say "feeling sad still makes me a bit uneasy". Sometimes it's even hard for me to distinguish between 'healthy' sadness, and the verge of a depressive mood... I hope you are feeling better now :)

Erica said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad, etta! But I think it's somewhat refreshing to feel sadness - just plain, old, ordinary sadness - and know that's all it is. To identify why you're sad, and to know it won't morph into depression. . . it's kind of nice, compared to the alternative.

Regardless, I hope your sadness lifts soon. Remember the happy times you spent with D, enjoy the present opportunities life offers, and look forward to future visits from D (hopefully sooner than later).

Anonymous said...

My family lives in Germany and I have those sad days as well. There are better days, just hang in there!

Invisiblegirl said...

I wanted to say I just found your blog and I'm sorry you're missing your family, I know how horrible it can be. I think it's really beneficial how you can differentiate between sad and depressed, for me it's all one big ball of misery. If you were interested I've just started my own blog,
Hang in there :)

Dan S said...

Hi Etta, I just found your blog and I have to say that I love it. I'm about a year into my struggle with this horrifying illness and I can't tell you just how sick and tired I am of being, well, sick and tired. Just like you I'd give anything to be able to have this thing show up on an x-ray and be able to have it ripped the hell out of me. I know it's not as simple as that and that the only thing I can do is keep fighting as hard as I possibly can. Knowing that you've been able to fight for as long as you have and maintain for as long as you have definitely gives me hope for my battle with this horrific disease. Thank you so much for your honesty, I will definitely be coming back often. Dan