Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Stressful start

Hurricane Sandy has certainly wreaked havoc and left a path of death and destruction in her wake. My prayers go out to everyone on the East Coast at this time. Having been the victim of a flood myself, although mild in comparison, I have some understanding of the clean-up that awaits. I wish nothing but speedy restoration and recovery to all of those devastated by this storm.

In comparison to what's happening out there, my dilemma, which I'm about to explain, is barely worth mentioning. The storm left me up in the air as far as my travel plans. The once-in-a-lifetime trip to New York, which I'd been planning for more than one year, was suddenly in doubt. Airports were closed. Subways were not running. And the City of New York needed to decide if they wanted the marathon to continue as scheduled. They finally made that decision yesterday. It will go on as planned. But that didn't end my uncertainty.

After perusing the Internet, listening to ESPN, and reading comments to the many newspaper articles written about the subject, it became clear to me that many New Yorkers do not want us (marathoners) there! I had to decide, did I want to participate in an event where I'm potentially going to be despised for participating? Did I want to be, in many opinions, part of the problem? No, of course not! Nonetheless, it was not an easy black and white question to ponder.

Take away the fact that this was a once-in-a-lifetime trip, which I was really looking forward to, the reality of the situation was that I had hundreds of dollars already spent which could not be recouped. The marathon entry fee alone was nearly $300! And that was money lost if I didn't show up. Likewise, because of my precarious financial situation, I couldn't afford trip insurance on my flight. I have no plans to fly anywhere within the next year, so no chance to re-book for another date, meaning the ticket cost would also be lost. Tickets to NYC shows and events had likewise already been purchased. If I didn't go this year, it'd be unlikely I'd be able to gather the funds to try again next year.

So I decided to go. I leave early tomorrow morning for NYC. Perhaps it is a selfish decision. I don't know. But for many reasons, it is the decision I made. I hope to have a wonderful experience. There are New Yorkers who do want us to come. Perhaps those people will be out in force on marathon day. We'll have to wait and see, I guess. I know the marathon organizers are putting plans in place to raise money for the locals in need. I'll definitely do my part. I don't know what else to do or say. I'm going to New York. I'm less excited than I was one week ago, but I'm hoping for the best.


Mopsa said...

I don't think you're being selfish. Given all that you've invested (monetarily and psychologically) on that trip, it seems like a fair decision... I wish you a good trip :)

Anonymous said...

That would be a difficult decision. You have logically considered all information available to you. Neither conclusion has to be right or wrong. They are still having the marathon, after all. I also hope you have a good trip. Keep remembering that it is a once in a lifetime chance. It may be a different experience than you expected but that doesn't mean it won't be worthwhile. Good luck. Will say prayers for you.

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

There are many New Yorkers who are apparently OK with the marathon going forward, and you've invested money and time in planning for this. You're not being selfish. I hope the trip is wonderful and the running goes well!

Anonymous said...

I think it was a good decision to go, see it as a celebration. Also every dollar you spend there will help local business to recover. Have a fun trip!!

Fred said...

It is not good or bad. It just is. Enjoy it.

Angeca said...

Stumbled across your blog. You are an inspiration.