Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 3, 2013


It was a bittersweet day today. I had the day off, and I was very productive. I went for a chilly, but sunny, good seven mile run this morning. I ran a bunch of errands and got some stuff done around the house. Then, in the early afternoon, I travelled to the vet clinic and picked up Puck's ashes.

Dawn, one of the veterinary assistants retrieved Puck's ashes for me. She also gave me a blanket. It was the blanket I had Puck wrapped in before he died. I left it wrapped around him after he was gone. I didn't really care if I ever saw it again, but now that I have it back, it's kind of nice. I left the clinic with Puck's ashes and his blanket and drove home.

At home I opened the wooden box in which Puck's ashes were contained. It was odd. I've seen ashes before, so I knew what to expect, but the site of Puck's ashes made me cry. I took the plastic bag filled with his ashes out of the box and hugged it to my chest. I cried. I talked to my boy. I cried some more. It was really hard to pull the ashes away from my chest and put them back in the box.

Eventually I returned his ashes to the box, closed the box, and placed it on the shelf in front of Puck's photo. I set Puck's paw print on top of the box. Once I put everything back together on the shelf, I felt at peace. I laid down on the sofa, hugged Puck's blanket to my chest and fell asleep. It's so nice to have Puck home. I feel better now that we're back together again.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

Our cats' ashes are comforting to me. Sometimes I hold the boxes close to my heart, too. I'm glad that you were comforted.

Lonely Pinay said...

This post made me cry so much :( i can feel your pain. I know exactly how it feels :(

Elisa said...

But you have always memories, moments you spend together.