Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Back Home

I'm home. It's sunny and 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside. D and I left Mexico Tuesday afternoon. It was sunny and 80 degrees then. The change is remarkable but not at all unexpected, of course. At least it is sunny here, too. The forecast calls for 20 below zero in just a couple days! I'd rather not have come home to that!

Needless to say, Mexico was amazing! It was incredibly beautiful, tropical, friendly, and exotic! I am so fortunate to have had this wonderful experience! I am so grateful to D for the opportunity to spend five glorious days with him. I would have been happy to spend five days with him anywhere, but to spend it in such a beautiful place was extra special!

We stayed at an all inclusive, adults only, gorgeous resort. This place was enormous yet felt almost private. We were treated like royalty at all times. We walked quietly alone among the grounds and on the beach most of the time. We ate at 4 of the 7 five-star restaurants on the grounds. We went snorkeling, read books on the beach, played games, frolicked in the ocean waves, held hands, and talked. It was so, so nice.

The one thing we didn't do while there, although we both had every intention of doing so, was go running. In fact, I wore every article of clothing I brought at least once with the exception of my running gear! We both laughed about that on the plane ride home. We had literally miles of grounds on which to run, too, but we chose playing in the waves, walking miles on the beach, and snorkeling as our exercise instead.

Coming home has been a little difficult. One of my special patients died unexpectedly over the weekend. I attended his wake last night. His family, 11 children, have been so wonderful; respectful and appreciative of our efforts with both of their parents (their mom is also a patient), it was a tough loss.

It was also difficult to return to a quiet house once again. This is the first vacation I've taken in 13+ years in which I didn't have Puck to return home to. I cried hard on my drive home. I miss him so much.

Missing Puck makes me anxious about bringing Jet, my new puppy, home on Saturday. I'm worried about bonding with a new dog while I'm still grieving for Puck. I want to honor Puck. I want to honor Jet. I don't know if I'll be able to do both, but I've got no choice now but to try. I'm worried about that.

Life is funny. Great experiences. Great grief. Great anxiety. It's all part of the puzzle, I guess. As usual, I'm trying to focus on my gratitude for all the pieces of the puzzle. I'm grateful for my time in Mexico. I'm grateful for my relationship with D. I'm filled with gratitude for my life with Puck. I'm grateful for the special people and families with whom I work. And I'm grateful for the opportunity of a new relationship with Jet. My life is full today. I'm happy to be home.


Anonymous said...

LOve the pictures, so glad you had a fun time in mexico!!

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

Such a beautiful post. I love the photos, and it sounds like a wonderful trip. I'm sorry about the loss of your patient. And I'll be thinking of you as you welcome a new dog into your life.

jim said...

glad you had such a good time. I just returned from 4 days in Mexico at a wonderful all-inclusive resort and despite being very careful got terribly sick. Glad you did not.

midnight rainbow said...

Sounds like Mexico was just what you needed. How do you give up all that warmth and sunshine? :)

Your relationship with Puck and your new one with Jet will work itself out. Give yourself room to grieve as well as enjoy the new life. You won't have to do anything, it will all come together and you will honor both of your dogs.

Glad you made it home safe and sound.