Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

A slow day

It's been really chilly and gray here. I think it's getting to me. I saw my psychiatrist this morning and told her I was doing okay, which is true, but that's it. I'm not good. I'm not bad. I'm just okay. My mood seems to be in a holding pattern, a slightly lower than normal holding pattern. I guess I match the recent weather. I'm gray.

Gray is actually quite tiring. I'm so tired! I'm lacking motivation and spunk. I feel like I'm walking through molasses in a fog. I don't like that feeling. It's a feeling I usually associate with being quite low, so of course it makes me nervous. I'm hoping it passes before the other shoe drops.

Today was a particularly slow, tired day. I had things to do, but I couldn't get off the sofa most of the day. When I finally did get up, I took Jet for a walk, and then feeling like I was on a roll, I decided to run. Maybe that wasn't the best decision, because right now I can barely move!

My run was horrible. My legs were dead weight. My pace was slow. My lungs couldn't seem to take in enough air. I even had to walk in the middle of a 3-mile loop! The combination of low motivation and poor physical response was too much to overcome. I was frustrated, and I couldn't wait to be done.

Now I'm sitting here in sweats, barely maintaining my upright position, ready to hit the sofa once again. I guess it's just one of those days. It's one of those days I periodically experience, as I live with this illness of depression. Tomorrow will hopefully bring some energy and relief. Until then, my friends.


Anonymous said...

This weather right now is tough! Hang in there, after rain comes sunshine :-)

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I know about those gray days. I hope you will feel better soon.

RLD said...

Days like this make me nervous too, but accepting that it's my body telling me what it needs has helped. I've tried to stop fighting it, curl up under a blanket, read, drink hot chocolate, and try to trust that tomorrow will be better. I hope you get your energy back soon!

Anonymous said...

Slow days have nothing worried about - they are just slow. We need them.

best Regards Elisa