Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Illness Strikes

The beauty, and scourge, of marathoning are the variables beyond our control which may make or break race day. I've been worried about tomorrow's weather for the last couple of days. It's one of those uncontrollable variables we marathoners fret about.

Until last night, the weather was on my mind. I kept checking and re-checking the forecast. People around me were checking and re-checking, too. And then God gave me something new to deal with, a sore throat and body aches. The weather was no longer a very big concern.

On my way to pick up my number from the marathon expo last night, I noticed my throat was getting sore. I hoped it was just a passing, anxiety-produced symptom of nothing. By the time I went to bed a couple hours later, I knew otherwise. I awoke in the middle of the night with a very sore throat and uncomfortably achy joints. My condition has not improved today. I'm a little worried.

I've been resting, taking zinc, drinking juice, eating chicken soup (homemade, thanks to Mom), and drinking water in abundance. So far, there's been no change. I'm ambulatory. I did my typical 2-mile shake out run this morning, showered, and dressed for the day, but I've not done anything else. Napping and nutrition have consumed my day. I'm doing my best to get through this blip as quickly as possible.

I know there's no way I'll miraculously recover enough to be operating at 100 percent tomorrow. I don't know what this means for my race. I'm sure I'll finish what I start, but I'm not feeling quite as optimistic about running fast and accomplishing my goal. I'm not sure I will be able to run fast, or even if I'm able to, I'm not sure I should. I certainly don't want to overdue it to the point where I make things worse post-marathon.

I've got a lot to think about between now and the start of the race tomorrow morning. I'm trying to stay in the now. I'm taking the actions I need to take. I'm trying not to project into the future. I'm trying not to be prematurely disappointed. I'm trying to take things as they come, one moment at a time. All I can do is take the next right action. I'm doing that. The outcome, well that's not up to me. I'm trying to remember that. But I'm human. I'm praying for a miraculous recovery anyway.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I hope you are feeling better and that the race is going well. I will be thinking about you.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, I hope you did feel better this morning and you had a great race!!