Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Expensive emotions

I don't know about you, but I cannot afford strong emotions. I've been cranky lately. Particularly at work, I've been impatient, frustrated and cranky. My patients have been spared, of course, but my coworkers have really been on my nerves! Reasons which justify my crankiness are valid, but that's not the point. I cannot afford impatience, frustration or crankiness.

Strong emotions, especially strong negative emotions, sap my energy like little else. When I let people get under my skin, I suffer. When I let situations irritate me, I pay for it. When I allow my frustration to build, I deteriorate. Cajoling negative emotions serves no useful purpose.

Negative emotions cost rather than pay. Allowing myself to remain frustrated, angry or irritated leads inevitably to negative behavior, which is then followed by more negative emotions, both within and around me. I do myself no favor by remaining discontent.

So today, while away from work, I am trying to clear my brain and body of negativity. I am working to rid myself of restlessness, irritability and discontent. I want to free my psyche and lighten my load, see people and situations in a different light, and quash rationalization in favor of acceptance. It's not necessarily easy, but it's vital for my mental health.

My mental health is valuable, and expensive negative emotions do nothing to enhance it's worth. These emotions take, take, take without ever giving a penny back. I cannot afford them. The cost is too high. If I want to change the course of the next few days, and I do, I have to let the negativity go. I've got to instead work for the cold, hard cash of acceptance. Ultimately, it is acceptance which will change my course and bring me peace.

1 comment:

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I needed to read this today. I know what you mean when you write of the destructiveness of negativity. I tend to have times when I wallow in anger and resentment and it hurts no one but me. I can feel the changes in my body and mood just from negative thoughts. Thanks for the reminder to work on acceptance.