Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Knocked Down

I don't want to write about not feeling good. It's been so long. But for some reason, or no reason at all, yesterday was a rough day. It was weird. I awoke Thursday morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I couldn't seem to shake the sleep from my body. My mood was very low right off the bat.

I had an appointment early in the morning. After returning home, it was my plan to go running. I had a hill workout on my schedule. But when I got home, all I could do was go back to bed. My parents were visiting and just starting their day, but I couldn't even stay awake for them. They went about their business while I slept.

I figured I'd be refreshed and ready to run when I awoke. But two hours later, nothing had changed. The extra sleep didn't help. In fact, I laid back down shortly after I got up. And it wasn't only physical. For the first time in a long time, my mood was in the tank.

I saw my doctor mid-afternoon. At our last visit, we discussed decreasing my anti-depressant. We were going to make a decision at yesterday's appointment, but based upon how I was feeling, we decided against it. Of course that made sense, but I was so looking forward to lowering my dose.

Things continued along the same lines most of the day. I did get out with my mom for a couple hours late in the afternoon, but I never did get those hills run. We ate dinner out, and I couldn't wait to get home. I went to bed long before they retired. Fortunately, my parents understand my occasional need for lots of sleep.

Today has been slightly better. I'm still lower than I've been, but I'm not pushing the panic button yet. I did okay at work today, even though I wasn't my usual chatty, cheerful self. I'm scheduled to run 20 miles tomorrow, and with the cooperation of our current gorgeous, sunny, dry weather, I'm feeling fairly optimistic I'll get it done. I'm preparing now, and I plan for another early bed time tonight.

I'm feeling more hopeful this precipitous descent will reverse itself as quickly as it attacked. And that's what it felt like, a sneak attack. It came out of the blue on what should have been a beautiful, happy day. Thankfully, that was yesterday, and I don't have to live it again. Moving forward now, we'll see what tomorrow brings.


Possibly Depressed Male said...

Sorry to hear that, but sounds like you have the right attitude. Hopefully things will look up again soon. Best of luck.

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm so sorry you experienced this "dip." Depression can seem to get worse for no reason. I am trying to come back after a two-week nightmare of trying to get my antidepressant covered by my insurance company. I took half the usual dose for about a week until the mess was straightened out, and it left me in tatters. It's scary to have those dips. But hopefully you are on the way back up.

Anonymous said...

So grateful you share things like this. I've suffered with depression my entire life... Even though we're aware of cycles, etc. it's always nice to know we're not alone.

I had a day like you expressed above on Saturday. Stayed in bed most of the day. Maybe there's something in the air or a full moon? Smile. Hoping tomorrow is better.

Kelly said...

I wish someone would understand my desperate need, at times, for lots of sleep. No one really does, though.

Thank you for sharing this.

etta said...

Thank you all for your thoughts. Tina, it sucks that insurance companies think they know better than our own doctors! Glad you persevered. Anonymous and Kelly, sleep is so important. It's too bad so many in our society frown upon it.
My mood did improve. Saturday was good. I'm feeling much better.