Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Back inside

Things remain tough here in my world. In fact, I am back in the hospital. After my third ECT treatment in the morning, I went home Friday afternoon. My friend, Wendy, picked me up and helped me get settled back at home. Unfortunately, and my memory is a bit fuzzy as to all the particulars, but by Friday evening, my mood had sunk back to such depths that Wendy came back and spent the night. My thoughts, I recall, got very dark very quickly. I crashed.

I was hoping to run The Twin Cities Marathon on Sunday, but by Saturday morning it was pretty clear that wasn't likely to happen. I spent Saturday with Wendy and her family, and we discussed returning to the hospital, but I was really hoping to stay out. I made it to Sunday morning, and I even got out on the road for a run. I had no idea how far I would make it, but I was happy to be putting one foot in front of the other.

It was a beautiful, cool morning, and based on how sore I am today, I probably ran too far, 15 miles, but it was so nice to be outside, moving, challenging my muscles, occupying my brain, and not focusing on my low mood, I just kept going. Unfortunately, once I returned home the dark thoughts did not abate.

Wendy returned to my home last night and eventually we made the decision to head back to the emergency room. I could complete an entire additional post on the idiot, ER, psychiatry resident and his absolutely unnecessary contribution to my misery, but I'm choosing to skip that drama, hopefully in furtherance of my mental health. Suffice it to say, after 3.5 hours of utter frustration and exasperation for both Wendy and I, the appropriate decision was made to re-admit me to the hospital.

I had my fourth ECT treatment this morning, with two additional treatments scheduled for later this week, and hopes for discharge by the weekend. I appreciate all of your ongoing thoughts and prayers. Your support is invaluable. Thank you. I'll keep you posted as the saga continues.


Kelly said...

I'm thinking of you. I know you'll pull through and, eventually, this hard time will pass. Until then, I will keep you in my prayers. I have struggled myself, in the past, and I know how difficult it was for me. Thinking of you.

Sunny Spells and Scattered Showers said...

You're still doing everything you can to get well. Keep going. Keep breathing. I've never had ect but I spent 5 weeks in hospital this year, it's really tough. Sending positive thoughts x

Jim said...

I am so very sorry you had a relapse. But I am so very grateful you found help both in other people that care and the treatment. I have always been so amazed at the honesty and transparency with which you write. One day, yes one day, there will be a CURE for depression. Thank you for not giving up. You are an inspiration.

Kat Leigh said...

Wendy sounds like a wonderful friend and a blessing to have in your life.

I know this story was difficult to share, relapses are rough and rocky terrain. Thank you for sharing ... I hope that talking about it is helpful in pushing the relapse right on out of the way and to get you running again.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, and remember: this is always temporary. Sometimes it lasts a little longer than we expect it to, but it always goes away. I have been thinking of you lately and sending you positive thoughts.


Anonymous said...

Hoping you get through to the light soon. When out of hospital, try and run a bit. It is hard getting rid of the dark - just know there is light around the corner.

Steffen said...

It sounds like this Wendy is a wonderful friend, how good to have people like that around. As soon as you feel better again, which will happen soon, let us know what happened at the hospital with that jerk...