Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, October 18, 2013

ECT Revisited

After a long meeting with my regular psychiatrist yesterday afternoon, I agreed to reconsider ECT. In fact, I resumed outpatient ECT this morning. So today was my seventh ECT treatment. I'm hoping for no more than 12 total treatments, but we'll see how it goes. To say I'm ambivalent about this course of action is an understatement, but I trust my doctor. We had a good discussion of the pros and cons of ECT versus continuing on my current path of misery. In the end, I agreed with her. I cannot continue feeling as desperate and despondent as I've been feeling without risking my life. It's as simple as that.

Fortunately, my parents are in town for another couple of weeks, so they are able to assist me with getting to and from my treatments. My mom stayed with me today while I slept off the remainder of the anesthesia. It's late afternoon, and I'm just starting to feel normal again. I guess I'll only be training/running on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for the next couple weeks.

A slight disruption of my training schedule will be a minor inconvenience, however. My bigger concern is for my memory. ECT severely disrupts my memory. I've written down my passwords, and I'm going to try to be vigilant about documenting conversations and life events over these next few weeks. If I don't, I'll be lost, and I hate that feeling.

I'm praying that I'm doing the right thing by resuming ECT. With how poorly I've been feeling, I think it's about the best option I have left. Hopefully it will work as it has in the past to get me back on track. And hopefully I don't get too stupid in the process. Your continued prayers are certainly appreciated.


Mopsa said...

I'm praying for you Etta, every night. You'll get better! *Virtual hug*

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm glad that you have a doctor that you can trust and family nearby to help. You are in my prayers, Etta.