Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Struggles continue

I'm not feeling very wordy this evening. I had my eighth ECT treatment today. I'm still recovering. My mood continues to challenge, although I did have a slight reprieve over the weekend. D came to visit this weekend. We hadn't seen each other since Labor Day Weekend. It was really nice to see him.

While it was great to spend time together again, D being here also increased my stress just a bit. D is trying hard to understand what's happening with me, but he freely admits he doesn't know anything about depression. In fact, some of you may remember he disappeared a few years ago while I was being treated for a depression exacerbation. With that in mind, I thought this exacerbation might lead to the end of our relationship, but so far he's hanging in there.

In between running together, and a movie, and dinner with friends, D and I did chat a little bit about my illness. I tried to educate him without overwhelming or terrifying him. It's hard. He's not around for the daily grind. He doesn't see me day in and day out. Nevertheless, he appears to be hanging in there. He's trying to understand the illness and working to comprehend the treatment, especially ECT. I appreciated his willingness to ask questions and learn.

After my ECT treatment today, I received a text message from one of my coworkers. It was a coworker from whom I never would have expected a text. He said all of my coworkers were thinking about me and hoped I'd be back soon. That was really nice. I miss work. I miss my patients. I miss my coworkers. I feel totally useless. Yet I know I'm in no condition to work. As much as I'd like to, I know work is not an option today. Still, it was nice to hear from my coworkers.

Hopefully, if the ECT does the job it's supposed to do, I'll soon be back doing the job I'm meant to do helping the patients I'm meant to help. I continue to pray for relief from my depression symptoms so that all of the above will be possible sooner rather than later. I'll take any spare prayers from any of you, too.


Kelly said...

Still praying for you.

Anonymous said...

So glad you and D had time together. You are disciplined and used to being busy - it must be hard to not have that schedule, your work, etc. right now. But you are doing what you need to do to get back to your life. Continued prayers for you.

Anonymous said...

praying as well...

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm glad you were able to spend some time with D, and that he is asking questions and is willing to learn.

Praying for you, Etta, and thinking good thoughts. You have come back before, and you will again.

Wendy Love said...

It has been awhile since I dropped by and I was so sorry to hear that you have hit a low point once again.
I am praying for you!