Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Where's etta?

The predicted, feared crash finally took me down. I couldn't make it to work on Monday morning. I contacted my friend and co-worker, Wendy, and she made the 30 minute trip to my door. Apparently my voice was slow and thoughts dark. My memories of that morning are already a bit fuzzy. After Wendy and I spent half of the morning in the emergency room, I was admitted to the inpatient psych unit for treatment. That's where I am right now.

I've already completed two ECT treatments with another scheduled for Friday. Yesterday's treatment left me stiff and sore, but the doctors figured out the right dose of pre-medication today, and it went much better. My friend, Wendy, was just here to visit, and she thinks I sound better already. I'm hoping to get out of here by the weekend and continue my ECT treatments as an outpatient next week.

ECT likely sounds barbaric to some of you, and I admit, it is not my favorite treatment option, but it has always worked when I've needed it. The process is actually quick and painless, as I am sedated throughout the procedure. After the treatment, I spend several hours sleeping prior to slowly resuming my day. I do feel a little lighter already, but I hate the forgetfulness which accompanies getting my brain zapped.

Hopefully, the memory deficits will not be too bothersome, and the benefits of the ECT will pull me out of the pit. I don't like feeling so dark and slow. It's been a long time since I've been this low. I hope initiating the quick ECT intervention will keep this episode short lived. My life is waiting outside these doors.


midnight rainbow said...

Sending you prayers and hugs. So sorry to hear you're in hospital, but so glad you are getting the help you need. I'm no stranger to dark thoughts and your last post had me concerned.

Just by your writing you sound better already. Thinking of you. Take care.

Kai said...

I really hope this works for you this time, too. I have thought about ECT before, but doctors never suggested it because my condition apparently isnt bad enough - who is to tell?! Let us know how it goes. Wishing you all the best.

Jean Grey said...

Wishing you the best. I know ECT worked for you before. That is really hopeful. Emily

Anonymous said...

I am sending positive thoughts your way; you are brave and strong, and you will get through this!

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

You are in my prayers and thoughts, Etta. I have been behind in my blog reading, so I'm just catching up. I'm so sorry that the crash came. I am glad that you're getting the treatment you need and hope you will be back home soon.

Sunnyscattered said...

So sorry to hear you've slipped, it's rough after doing so well. You've come out of it before, you'll come out of it again. You recognised the signs, asked for help, and are getting treatment. You've done all the right things. Mind yourself

Anonymous said...

So sorry for the bad crash but glad you are getting treatment that already is helping. Continuing thoughts and prayers for you.