Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Moving Forward

Things are looking up. I am cautiously optimistic. I even feel hopeful today. I am feeling better. My brain is still ill, but it seems to be healing. My mood is good. My energy has maintained at a reasonable level. And my broken brain is sending fewer ill thoughts out to bang around inside my skull. Things are looking up.

The current plan is to leave the hospital on Monday. I feel well enough to leave today, but the treatment team did not want me to leave on a weekend. Leaving on Monday means there are five full days in front of me where hospitals, clinics, and other services are open with professionals working in case I have a need. That makes sense, and I agree it is a safer, more clinically sound decision than leaving on a weekend would have been. I am looking forward to going home Monday.

Unfortunately, I will be going home, and that is about it. I attempted to get into a daily, outpatient, intensive mood program, but I was unable to do so. Instead, I will have to fill my days with AA meetings, running, occasional outpatient appointments, getting together with friends, blogging, and I'm not sure what else. I am a little nervous about the lack of structure, but I am optimistic things will work out. I have a very thorough safety plan in place, and I feel better now than I have since September. I'm relieved.

Again, I will mention how fortunate I am to have so many caring people surrounding me. I will leave some of them here, amazing and compassionate nurses on this unit, but they have helped instill in me the confidence to move forward. I will spend the evenings and overnights with my friend, Wendy. I won't be home alone during what has been my most vulnerable time. I have appointments set up with my psychiatrist, my therapist, my social worker, and a new med-managing nurse. We put the med-managing nurse in place so I won't have any of my extra medications in my possession. I will only have a one week supply of meds at home. It's part of my safety plan. I think I'm ready to go.

I'm moving forward, and I feel good about that. I pray I will not falter once outside the walls of this inpatient unit. I pray I will hang onto the gains I've made, and my mood will remain at a functional, even healthy, happy level. I'm doing everything I'm being asked to do in hopes of success. I'm so relieved to be feeling better and heading home. Forward. It's a nice direction in which to be heading.


Sassy said...

Looks like you have a healthy plan ahead. Remember you are strong and have lot's to offer to yourself and others.:)

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I think it's huge that you feel better than you have since September. I am so happy to hear that! :-) It sounds like you have a good, safe plan in place. Bless you as you move forward, Etta.

Anonymous said...

So glad for your progress and lift in mood! Continued thoughts and prayers for peace and strength as you go home and move forward!

midnight rainbow said...

We will be thinking and praying for you.