Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Running struggles

As I write this, I'm sitting with my feet up recovering in my recliner. For the second Saturday in a row, I had an awful long run. Last Saturday I had an awful 13-miler, and today my 14-miler sucked. This is not a development with which I am pleased! Of course, the weather here is not helping matters. It's been either very cold, as it was last Saturday, or very snowy, as it was today. But the weather is certainly not the whole story. I continue to be physically and mentally drained from the long days in my mood disorder treatment program. I'm betting that, and the fact that I'm still carrying extra weight, might also have something to do with struggling to complete each of my last two long runs.

I hate when running is difficult. I especially hate it when I'm actively training for something, as I am now. It's hard for me not to think ahead and worry about The Boston Marathon. I have lots of worry thoughts about not enjoying the experience, struggling to finish, or worse, not finishing at all. The thoughts are silly at this early stage, so I'm trying to ignore them and stay positive. Nonetheless, I really hate when running is difficult. However, I am also aware if I am able to use an entire post to complain of my struggles running, things are going pretty darn good. And for that, I am quite grateful.


Irene said...

“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

John Bingham

I'm not a runner so I applaud your efforts each and every time.

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

It may be hard, but you're still out there trying, and that's a huge thing!

The Barefoot Storyteller said...

If it's any consolation I have been really struggling with my running as well at the moment and my London Marathon training has had a very shaky start. I managed a 10 miler last Tuesday and indeed Monday to Friday I seem to be able to stick to my running and cross training schedules. But come Saturday and Sunday I am unable to drag myself from my bed to get dressed, let alone run.

I think I am having to use so much energy to stay upright during the week and stick to my work and family commitments (I work in a primary school) that I have nothing left at all at the weekends. I then get stuck in a vicious circle of negative and guilty thoughts all weekend which of course just makes me feel worse...

I am planning to go for a 12 miler tomorrow (Tues) - straight after my weekly therapy session! It's my day off and I know I will have got out of bed to go to therapy. I know I always feel better if I stick with my runs but I just don't have enough willpower left to get going at the weekends - it's like everything I've got has been depleted and I just want to hide away from everyone and everything. (Not great for my family.)

Your blog gives me such comfort - knowing that I'm not the only person struggling but still trying to keep going - just one step at a time.

Matthew @ Lasik for Your Surgeon said...

Don't give up!