Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, February 14, 2014


I'm not sure if it's a weekend hangover (no worries, I don't mean the alcohol induced kind!), or if it's medication side effects, or if it's secondary to marathon training, but I have been wiped out this week. While I've been getting my training runs accomplished, I've not had the energy for much else, and in fact have been sleeping a ton--day and night. I have not been able to keep my eyes open. It's been strange and a little concerning.

I did see my doctor yesterday, and she confirmed some of the fatigue might be due to medication side effects, but she didn't want to change anything at this time. I understand that. The decrease in the "fat med" (that is, the medication with the weight gain side effect) a few weeks ago has made a big difference. I lost more than two pounds in the last ten days. That's exciting, but now it appears we may have to deal with fatigue, too. We'll see how the weekend goes.

I actually have a race scheduled for this weekend. I will be off to run a half marathon early tomorrow morning. It's part of my marathon training schedule. I have no idea what to expect, as I have not raced since August, and I've certainly been through a lot since then! Despite my anxiety about racing, I'm also looking forward to it, as it will give me a lot of information about my current level of  fitness. I'll let you know how it goes.

In addition to my return to racing, I have another big return to report. I was given the go-ahead yesterday to begin my return to work. My doctor and I discussed a gradual return, hopefully a couple of four hour shifts per week. I'm looking forward to getting back at it. I miss my co-workers and my patients. And I miss the meaningful activity work provides. I'm looking forward to my return.


A said...

Hi Etta!

So glad to hear that you are doing a run today, I hope it goes well. It's been very snowy/icy/slushy down here - so I haven't been doing as much running. But, I started this new cardio program called Goju that involves a lot of jumping, kicking, squatting, and lifting weights all at the same time. It's pretty intense!
Also, I'm glad to hear that you're going to try to ease back into work again, I know it can be tough to have the motivation to do that. It's hard for me to get the motivation for school and work, too. It can be overwhelming, especially when the housework always needs to be done.
I've been kind of having a flare up of depression again recently, which really sucks. I hope my meds help - I'm in the middle of an adjustment with them.
Anyway, hope your run went well!

Anonymous said...

Hi Etta,

I found your blog a couple of months ago, and wanted tell you that I've enjoyed reading it. I also thought to introduce myself - I suppose it is interesting for you to know a bit about your followers :-).
I don't know if I am depressed or not - I suppose that means that at least I'm not suffering from a severe depression, like my brother, who has been diagnosed and, in fact, never been able to work. I don't know what's happening with me. Midlife crisis? I've lost the joy and the purpose from my life. Almost every day I notice myself asking "what's the point?". I've withdrawn from my friends, because being with them feels like an effort. For the past 2 years, I've spent almost every weekend alone, and even speaking to a friend over the phone is something that I'm avoiding. Apart from working and running, I do pretty much nothing - apart from SLEEPING. I sleep so much that it is unbelievable.

I went to see my doctor who said that there is a difference between "unhappy" and "depressed". He said I am unhappy, not depressed. Maybe he is right, but I am worried because the longer this is taking, the worse I am feeling.

I like your blog because you are so open and genuine - and so determined! I also like to read about your running; I also run alittle, even though I'm far less ambitious: - my target is to run a half marathon each year in 2 hours. I chose somewhere new to make it a bit of an adventure. Last August I went to Reykjavik. I try to keep on running, because if I give up that, I have nothing ongoing in my private life.

Take care - I look forward to reading about your half marathon! Nx.

etta said...

@ Nx: Thank you for introducing yourself. Please go see a psychiatrist. Well meaning family doctors often don't get it, or I think they want to spare you the stigma of having a mental illness. Sounds like depression to me. Keep running and please get some help. You don't have to live in pain.

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

That sounds great that you have gotten the go-ahead to gradually go back to work. That's a big step, and I'm glad you've reached that point. Some of my meds cause fatigue, and it gets frustrating, but I think after a while, our bodies adjust.