Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


I know I'm feeling better when I have plain old life worries bogging me down. That may sound strange, but when I'm ill my psyche has no room for plain old life worries. My only worries then are staying alive and functional. But today, already this morning, I've got worries stirring me up inside.

My worries this morning are simple things I have little control over. For starters, I have an indication that my blog may be being copied again. Plagiarism. Nothing gets my blood boiling quite as quickly as someone taking credit for work I've created. My stomach is churning with just the possibility of it. I have very little control over this one. I'm not even sure how to check it out. It does little good for me to worry about it, because I don't know how to confirm or dis-confirm my concern. Nevertheless, my gut is churning.

My second, uncontrollable yet time wasting concern this morning is my internet service. After months of frustratingly slow internet service, I made a simple upgrade to my internet speed a few days ago. I avoided it for months because I hate the amount of time it takes to do such a simple thing. It takes 15 minutes just to get to an actual human being on the phone! Unfortunately, the human being I got was apparently new. She bumbled through the entire process. After another 30 minutes of explaining exactly what I wanted, holding, re-explaining, and holding again, the order was finally completed. Or so I thought.

Last night, another 60 minutes(!) was wasted with another customer service rep. My internet didn't work as a result of the initial representative's mistakes and misinformation! Ugh! As of this morning, my internet works, but things still aren't resolved. I will need to waste more time today speaking with the CenturyLink business office in order to resolve billing issues, again as a result of the initial representative's mistakes. Longingly, I am remembering the simpler days of the rotary phone and local customer service.

On a more serious note, yesterday I had my meeting at work with my regional director. I will be going back to work, gradually, beginning next week. The meeting went very well, though I struggled when I had to be honest and reveal my total memory loss, which means I will need retraining on all of our computer documentation. He took it in stride and said it was no problem. My first day will be all about reorientation to the computers and the documentation requirements. I'll need to travel to a few out-of-town rehab facilities my first few weeks, but eventually I will be right back in town at my previous facility. I'm very grateful for that.

As I leave you this morning, I do so with the Serenity Prayer banging about in my head. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. It's a great prayer for me, and I have a feeling I will need to recite it several times today. Carry on, my friends.


Unknown said...

If you don't mind me asking. Memory loss, as a result of depression or something else? If you can't talk about it it is ok, or maybe you have mentioned it earlier on in your blog. I am diagnosed with depression. I have always been forgetful but as of recently I have been suffering serious memory lapses.

etta said...

@ Pompous: Severe depression can cause concentration and memory difficulties. I also have some memory loss as result of ECT treatments.