Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


I have officially broken back into the working world. For two hours yesterday, I relearned the computer programs and patient documentation we use at my place of employment. Fortunately, much of it came back to me. It took a little while, and a little playing around, but I think I remember it now. I'm grateful my regional director was willing to take time out of his busy schedule to teach me.

It was nice to be back at work. Even though it was only a couple of hours, it was great to earn a few dollars for the first time in over five months. It won't be much of a paycheck, but it will at least be a paycheck! I am scheduled to do another 2-4 hour shift later this week.

Although it was good to be back, it was also a little difficult. I work with some amazing, wonderful people. They are all very good at what they do, and they have a ton of fun doing it. That's what was difficult. I felt a bit like an outsider. It's been so long since I've been there, I no longer felt like part of the group. That was hard for me.

I think it will take a little while for me to feel like a part of the group again. In reality, I know feeling like an outsider has nothing to do with them. It's all about me and my internal dialogue. I need to control my own worry thoughts. I can't wonder what they're thinking. I can't place negative motives on every sideways glance. After all, they all have better things to think about than me. I will work to keep that in mind. It may take a bit, but I know if I keep showing up and working hard, I will eventually feel like I belong once again. I look forward to that.

1 comment:

Irene said...

Good self-talk. Good luck to you.