Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Self Talk

Irrational Mind (IM): I feel a little heavy.
Rational Mind (RM): That's normal. You're tapering.

IM: My legs feel heavy and tired.
RM: Your legs always feel heavy and tired during your taper. It's normal.

IM: I think I've gained 2 pounds.
RM: It's normal to gain a little bit of weight, even a few pounds, during a taper for a marathon.

IM: I'm afraid it's going to make me slower.
RM: We've been through this 22 times. You'll be fine, just as you've been every other time.

IM: My knees feel sore.
RM: That's happened to you before. Aches and pains, and worries about aches and pains, are normal while tapering.

IM: What if I don't finish?
RM: Worse things have happened. The world will not end. Besides, you've finished 22 times before!

IM: I feel worried and anxious.
RM: You always feel worried and anxious just before a marathon. It's normal.

IM: I'm worried my mood will be affected.
RM: You always feel worried and anxious before a marathon. It's normal. It doesn't mean you're mood is faltering.

IM: Are you sure?
RM: 22 times!!

IM: I'm worried about Jet. I hate leaving him.
RM: You always hate leaving him. He's resilient. He'll survive. So will you.

IM: What if something happens?
RM: Your dog sitter is very capable. You've used her before, and nothing has happened. Why would this time be any different?

IM: I don't think I did a very good job speaking to that class yesterday.
RM: Where did that thought come from? I thought we were talking marathon!

IM: Oh, right... I feel a little heavy.
RM: Ugh. Here we go again...


CH said...

Etta, on Monday when the marathon starts let your mind run free, no IM, no RM, talk. Enjoy every step, sight sound and moment of that freedom. Know that many that have read your words here will also be with you in spirit as you run. CH.

Anonymous said...

You are so prepared for this race and you're going to have an awesome run!! I know it's easy for me to say not to worry but from where I sit I know you're going to do wonderfully. You're so strong and you're a fighter. You're also a gifted athlete. I'm in awe of your abilities. I hope you have a great time in Boston. I'll be sending you positive energy. : )

Anne said...

Best of luck Etta! We both know you can do it. And even if you can't finish or your mood will be affected, I'm so proud of your strength and how far you have come. I'll be thinking of you.

Mohican said...

This was fun to read. Good perspective. The RM side is winning!

Steffen said...

This self talk is absolutely spot on. Hilarious! Would be nice if 22 times would suffice...

Irene said...

I'm impressed whether or not you finish. I'm looking forward to a real person coming back and telling us about the sights and sounds, the energy and what that experience was like. Thanks for letting me live vicariously and for bringing this event I've seen on tv closer to me. Maybe as you run you could sometimes picture balloons and feathers afloat. Notice the many things and colors and bring the story back to those who appreciate you, thanks,

Duffs said...

Good luck with tomorrow's run but most of all have fun and enjoy the atmosphere. I love running and I'm guessing with 22 marathons under your belt, so do you.
Every time somebody asks me why I run and assumes it's not fun, I tell them to go to the park and watch the dogs and children playing as running is when they're at their happiest :)